TW: pocd, harm ocd hi everyone! i’m 18 and i’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts since I was 14. It started when I watched an horror film and the images won’t go away, then I experienced violent intrusive thoughts and I began to feel like a bad person. Luckily, I don’t think about that anymore, but lately i’ve been obsessing about P OCD, since the first quarantine. Now that thoughts about kids seem less strong, I started liking a girl a year older than me. I broke up with my previous girlfriend in order to get in a new relationship with her. Now, with the girl I had before I also experienced bad thoughts like “What if I like her because she’s shorter than me? What if she looks like a little girl?” and stuff like that. All the beautiful moments I had with her, were when I wasn’t thinking about anything, when I was thinking about kissing a NORMAL girl of my age. Now i have a similar problem. When I started liking the new girl, I forgot all my negative thoughts, I have lots of good memories with her. But then, my brain started as always “What if her face looks childish?” and it was so bad for me to think about it. I would look at her photos in order to confirm the fact that she looked like every other girl. But now I’m really scared, because I started thinking about stuff like “What if I like her because she looks like my MOM?” and I’m terrified. I can’t even look at my mom without associating her to the girl, and every time it gets worse. I know I like her because of many other things, not because she “looks” like my mom. I would compare their photos as a compulsion, until I’m sure that they not look alike. I feel relieved for some minutes, but then it starts again. I’m already seeing a therapist, and she says that I don’t have to believe to this thoughts. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m constantly worrying about being some sort of a pervert, or ill person, I can’t do this anymore. Sometimes, I also harm myself to stop these thoughts, unsuccessfully of course.

Garrett Maguire

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Have you tried ERP yet ? All of our feared thoughts, are exaggerated by anxiety to the point where we take them really seriously. I have had ocd for many decades, but have only started to recover in recent times, by taking a leap of faith, that the true problem is the anxiety, that drives these thoughts. Treating the content of the thoughts as the real problem, keeps you on the ocd wheel. Most people would be terrified, of believing they could be a paedophile, or a murderer, etc. The difference with ocd is, the anxiety drives you to thinking its possibly true. Trying to test your thoughts or feelings, will just increase your uncertainty and make the thoughts reoccur or morph into some other fear. There truly is a path to recovery, that took me most of my life to find. I've had so many differant themes throughout my life and looking back, ERP would have resolved them all, no matter the content. Trying to solve these issues with logic, doesnt work. But a good therapist who understands ocd and most importantly uses CBT combining ERP should be able to really help you.

semsem

Date posted: 4y

i’m currently seeing a therapist but i don’t know anything about specific therapies. Anyway, thank you so much!

Garrett Maguire

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Not at all. I would only use a therapist who understands ERP, as its really the gold standard, in treating ocd. I think nocd have online therapists which might be a good place to start.

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