i feel almost okay with the thoughts and they don't bother me a lot anymore i am able to simply ignore them and not react to them but it's bothering me a bit because i feel like i am actually gay:(

it's like i can't even be bothered with rumination anymore i am too tired and too lazy for that

Sounds to me like you’re depressed from burnout caused by OCD.

@cheyras yeah makes sense but like it hasn't been bad for a while now. like everytime i get a thought i be like "i have 0 energy to deal with this rn" and i just don't ??? like how is this possible with ocd??? like i can ignore them but it makes me feel more in denial yet still barely any panic. and some feelings are still there and it makes me feel like they're my own

@Nour04 One thing you have to realize with OCD is that EVERYTHING is possible. OCD is very crafty. And at that you’ve got to stop trying to be certain about your OCD themes. There is no amount of proof that you’re not gay that will be enough for your OCD. The more proof you throw at it you are just feeding thr beast. Just adopt a mindset of “maybe I’m gay maybe I’m not, idk. No way to know 100%.” And then continue with your day. Analyzing it will not bring you clarity nor peace. So stop that.

@cheyras i haven't ruminated in so long i am actually starting to believe i don't have ocd and am just in denial. like for example there's a lot of proof i had a crush on an ex teammate, yet i am jist ignoring that. isn't that denial???? or is it dealing with ocd (if i even have it)???

@Nour04 You are ruminating though. This comment I’m replying to is literally rumination in the form of a comment! Rumination can take many forms. Anything that you do mentally in an effort to quell discomfort, solve a problem, or avoid feeling negative emotions is rumination.

@cheyras ow wow thanks for this insight!!

@Nour04 Of course! I understand rumination very well because I’ve been doing it since I was 6, and am now 33. Best of luck to you in your recovery. First step is to stop ruminating! Check out this guy’s material - he helped me realize that so much of my mental processes were actually rumination and that I could stop doing it. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/articles/

@cheyras thank you so much!

i feel like a lot of people on here actually think i am gay and using ocd as an excuse

A lot of people on here are seeing your posts and seeing how you’re not trusting the ERP process and constantly doing compulsions and rituals knowing there’s literally nothing we can say because you have to realize within yourself. The motivation has to come from YOU, to be like okay I am deleting this app. I am sitting with the discomfort and uncertainty and I’m going to get better. You’re not there yet.

@lola2214 dude but i barely ruminate anymore. thoughts barely cause me anxiety, if they're even present at all. i don't feel like this is OCD. i haven't been bad for like a month or so

@Nour04 You post A LOT. I think you’re ruminating, checking, seeking reassurance more than you even think

@lola2214 but not that much? like really i barely ever feel anxious. and when i want to check i reslly just go "fuck off i have no energy for this rn" and i just don't?

this journal may help you search on amazon : ocd therapeutic journal

Like I see your name nour04 like 20x more than I see everyone else. Not to be mean but it just seems like you’re not even in the head space yet where you’re like okay, I get what I have to do. And trust me I get it, I’ve been there. Truly think deleting this app would be a huge move forward for you.

i totally get it, it's just that it's been feeling way less wild as in i can simply ignore the thoughts and it makes me feel like i don't have ocd

@Nour04 I get it. It means you’re making progress. I think instead of seeking reassurance on that or posting about it, you could channel that’s energy into something like I’m going to look at ONE video or post about back door spikes or ocd and then I’m going to put my phone away and do something else. Reduce it to like once every 2 days, once every 4, once a week. You have to acknowledge the thoughts, welcome them and go about your day. It’s UNCOMFORTABLE, I get it but I’m telling you incessantly posting is not going to help anything

@lola2214 i really get it. it's been very mild to the point where i shrug them off. no anxiety. but i still get some feelings of me liking it but even that doesn't spook me much. i have been way too tired and distracted to care lol