well, i’m an emotional wreck. not only am i a female who’s going through her time of the month, but i also feel like my OCD has been proven true. i’m a terrible person, i hurt my boyfriend. mentally, repeatedly. i’m a monster who deserves no love. he deserves so much better. and i’m just so scared that i’m going to become the other monster my thoughts paint me out to be. my whole life i’ve tried to care for people. i cant believe i hurt him multiple times. he’s like an innocent puppy, and i hurt him. this is torture

check my last post if you can, it sort of has to do with this. i’m 15, and we’re long distance. my mental health seems terrible for my age, but i’m on medicine now. thank you for your advice and your personal experience! this really does help. my ocd is just attacking me really bad right now. it’s been bad for the last few months/weeks. thank you again for taking the time to reply <3

actually, it will be pretty hard to find the post i’m talking about, but i can sum it up

mentally, i hurt him.

@bellag How tho

@whatadooo basically, i treated other guys how i was supposed to treat him, then i treated him like crap. i got defensive with him when he’d ask for reassurance and i’d just tell him it was an insecurity.

@bellag Listen, you're supposed to make in person connections at this age, so it's pretty realistic that you 'cheated' or what not on someone who was long distance. Not right, but normal for this age. However, infidelity is cause for breakup and can't really be fixed. I'm sure you've apologized for the defensiveness or calling him insecure. You didn't ruin him. You're not a monster for this. You made a mistake and now you're holding yourself accountable and that's all we can really ask for in life. You're gona be fine.

@whatadooo i mean, i dont know if i really cheated, because we were on the phone 24/7. so he was seeing me be nice to these people over my xbox, then later i’d be rude to him. i feel awful. i just don’t know anymore. i need to get my life together. but thank you for that. i am constantly ruminating on my mistakes from the past. they are terrible and they hurt and tbh they aren’t really even huge huge mistakes, LIKE cheating, etc. but i still beat myself up for it because of the severity of it. my ocd took it as a way to attack me for sure. i have apologized multiple times but it will never satisfy it.

@bellag No one should have access to your inbox besides you, doll. i wish you the best of luck and I promise this moment is fleeting and these mistakes are behind you and not part of you any longer. Be well.