- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
i understand the fear! but there is a difference between actively forcing someone to watch something against their will and you watching a show while your sis voiced discomfort in the background but didn't specify what she wanted you to do exactly (i.e. turn off the show, change the program, etc.) ocd likes to think in extremes and fixate on situations we wish could have gone differently so we gotta remind ourselves to be realistic and accept these experiences as part of growing. take care!
- Date posted
- 4y
I mean I kinda want to but I’m also panicking cuz I can’t remember if she said to change the channel or not . I’d also watch it during her turn by being like “he’s the devil it’s a cool show “ or something like that till she’s like “ugh fine!”
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr When that happened , I was treating her like a normal girl when I shouldn’t have . She just has difficulty controlling emotions and mimicks whatever I say for approval . But back then it didn’t occur to me that she may not have had a choice
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr I’m just really freaked that I abused her !!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr ah i see i see- do you know how she feels about those times nowadays? i know that would probably be considered compulsory reassurance seeking but if she isn't really bothered or doesn't even remember you shouldn't be too hard on yourself :o after all, you didn't know how to best treat her at the time.
- Date posted
- 4y
@draw2cope Idk how she feels about that . She seemed pissed off and annoyed more than anything. I’m really scared it was sexual abuse though. And if it’s sexual abuse then it wouldn’t matter if she remembers it. I looked up criteria for sexual abuse and forcing kids to listen to sexual talk is sexual abuse and I’m really scared that’s what happened
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr hmmm well i don't believe so 🤔🤔 i'm a survivor of child sexual abuse myself and there's specific criteria that needs to be met for it to be considered abuse by law
- Date posted
- 4y
@draw2cope Yeah the article was vague . I have a tendency to interpret stuff to the extreme . Like I remember I read another sexual abuse article saying looking behaviour between children in a 3 year age gap is child sexual abuse . I’m 17 and I remember glancing at a 14 year old and thinking they were attractive (they looked older ) and my brain was like “oh you abused them “
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr oh goodness- i wonder how credible that article is because that does not sound grounded in reality at all 😭😭 but i understand the struggle!
- Date posted
- 4y
@draw2cope I think it was referring to leering at a child but I misunderstood it ? That’s probably what happened here too. Idk . I’m just horrified at the prospect of being a sexual abuser
- Date posted
- 4y
@lucy.wilefirr ahhh yeah it would make more sense if they meant it in a "peeping Tom" sense, but just observing someone not much younger than you and finding them attractive isn't abusive no :o i totally get where you're coming from though because i struggle with the same theme 😔✊
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth
- Date posted
- 16w
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
- Date posted
- 14w
I’m getting gronial responses by listening to an ancient Egyptian podcasts I love ancient history I was listening to one and they were talking about how he got married at such an early age and his wife was around 12 and my head is just hoping for him to say something inappropriate about them and immediately thought that if I wanted to listen to it that meant I was listening to cp and I got gronial responses and I just speed the podcast I had to take my head phones and lay down or eat a chocolate bar because the gronials it’s annoying I can’t even listen to music or do anything with my head phones on Then yesterday I was thinking did I touch my brother? Because when I was laying down I was thinking if I would get disgusted by touching his area it was just a thought because I don’t remember standing up and actually doing it but it’s like I feel like I did
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