can someone help? :(

I can't say that I can help, but I feel for you and if you need someone to vent to, I'm here ♡

Well, I'm not an expert, BUT I'm struggling just like you and in my experience, this is still OCD. There's not "something wrong" with a trigger toning down, I've been through it. Either it comes back at me at some point or I managed to process through it. I used to have sexuality related anxiety, but slightly different. I knew I was attracted to both sexes, but I felt like because I didn't date any girls, then I'm not a "real" bisexual and I'm missing out on an experience, while I'm busy with my boyfriend. This thought would fade in and out. Sometimes everything felt fine then all of a sudden, "HEY UM ARE YOU A REAL BISEXUAL OR-" You know, it just bombards it's way in. I've thankfully gained acceptance in myself, I am a real bisexual despite my unique experiences and I'm happy with my boyfriend. But this was my experience, just telling you so you know I'm here with you. If those feelings make you uncomfortable, disgusted, and scared, identify why that is. Why does being bisexual make you uncomfortable? Is it because you know that you're not attracted to that other gender? If you know you don't have that attraction, and it makes you uncomfortable to think about, then you're latching on to fear, like OCD loves to do. If you think you are genuinely attracted to that other gender, why did it make you scared, uncomfortable, etc. Is there some sort of guilt related to it, do your beliefs stop you, or are you just not used to it? Any of these thoughts are okay, but I think it's good to write this stuff down and process through them within yourself. One thing I used to do was have an "emergency medkit" for my triggers. A list of links of articles or videos that helped me get back to myself? Worried about if I'm a "real bisexual" here's some writings written by bisexuals letting you know that your feelings are okay and there's no such thing as a real bisexual. And then you translate that into your own triggers. "Whenever I want to ruminate, I feel like I have no energy to deal with the thoughts" It sounds like you've exhausted yourself, I've been there. You're looking for a reaction in yourself to your fears and triggers, but you've beaten it into yourself mentally so much that you can't do it anymore. It's time for you to rest up that brain. Let the thoughts not be in your presence, and appreciate that it's gone, meditate and gain some mental clarity out of that fog. I recommend writing out everything about these issues, how it starts, how it makes you feel physically and mentally. I hope any of this helps, and take care ♡