Feels like i keep Identifing with things that are either nonsensical or things I don't align with and when im confused i dont want others picking an identity for me. I also feel like im rushing to get somewhere too like im behind in my life, i have to let that go it isn't helping me at all its making me progressively worse. Im too latched onto my phone too keep getting distracted with tiktok and IG back to back.

Today I've let myself go down a huge rabbit hole regarding this phrase and it's stressing me out. Sometimes, yes, it is that deep. But other times, it really isn't. I keep finding myself torn between these two ideals. I've been seeing all these videos regarding the rise of anti-intellectualism and the anti-woke mob, all that. These videos make me extremely worried about cancel culture and moral guilt, and they had me rethinking every morally wrong, gross, questionable thing or thought I ever had. I saw many comments saying that yes everything is that deep and it feels like my mind is on constant security and asking myself "what would the internet think about the things I've thought of or may have done?" On one hand, I feel like if I say "it's not that deep", I feel like a hypocrite or a bad person or an idiot. But on the other hand if I say "it is that deep", my OCD begins to spiral and analyze everything about myself. It's not healthy to overanalyze everything but it's also not healthy to ignore bad things. It's very stressful Does anyone relate to this?

I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.

I used to never have these thoughts it feels like im a different person and im so sad . I watched a TikTok of a girl with her kid and my Brain says how has she not killed her kid yet like wtf cus I get so many thoughts I’m shocked other ppl don’t and now my Brian says how I have I not hurt my dad . I keep posting and I shouldn’t but I feel not normal