Big breakthrough for me; instead of sitting her and feeling hellish and ruminating and so forth. I did research into love, attraction, sexuality, and the OCD brain. I’ve come to the conclusion, that my brain was stuck it couldn’t comprehend how I find girls more aesthetically pleasing a lot of the times but I’ve only been romantically attracted to men! Wow now why was that so hard for my brain to comprehend and why did I have to feel and go through all of this pain, checking, triggers, ruminating and anxiety? Well because I do have a broken brain (for lack of a better word), my brain wants to think in black and white only and guess what?? I’m not as black and white as it wants me to be. I hope this gives everyone hope, I have done a lot of ERP and research prior to my first appointment on Friday with a therapist for the first time in 27 years. For my ROCD, guess what I’ve come to the conclusion of?? I’m not with my husband for his looks. I’m with him for his heart, his soul, the way he walks into a room and controls it, the way he works his ass off to give me everything I need. So who cares if there is a guy or girl out there better looking then him! You can nit pick his flaws all you want ROCD, but idc because before you came into my head. His looks was my last concern!!! I hope this brings hope to some of you.