how come i still feel certain stuff and get certain thoughts but don't feel any anxiety? like why am i not anxious? it's like i don't care about it anymore. and no it's not the backdoor spike because i don't feel so anxious about not feeling anxious. it just really feels like denial. where's my anxiety towards the thoughts? why don't i spiral bad anymore? is this not ocd? i feel like i want to be with girls and do stuff to girls but i feel no anxiety :( is this denial?? because i just ignore those feelings like i ignore the thoughts. isn't this denial?? there's no way this is ocd. it's been going on for too long this way

How are you defining anxiety? Anxiety can be much more than a fast heartbeat or fear. It can manifest in many different ways, and I think the fact that you’re searching for the anxiety is a manifestation of anxiety itself. It’s like your compulsion is to check that you have anxiety because that means that what you’re feeling is just from OCD and it’s not real. But brains are tricky. Perhaps you know that’s what you’re doing, so the OCD part of your brain is sabotaging you and making you believe that you aren’t anxious. I’m not a professional by any means. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. I think to myself often “if I’m thinking this, then it must be true.” But thoughts are just thoughts. You should really think about talking to a counselor if you haven’t! You don’t have to do this alone.

omg this is so amazing!