Question (and venting) about ERP I’m going to want to do ERP, but I’m really scared. I don’t know how I will be able to deal with the exposure, especially for hocd. I’m Catholic, and when I’m not experiencing a bad episode, I stand firm in my values and don’t doubt them. I don’t want to watch pornography. I don’t want to do anything unchaste. I truly believe that it’s a sin, and watching any kind of porn would be awful to me. I also used to have a mild addiction to masturbation, so I really am just scared. I’m scared that an exposure I will have to do will involve watching same-sex porn. It’s not even the fact that it’s same-sex. It’s the fact that it’s porn. I’m scared that I’ll fall back into masturbation. I did this summer, and it was awful. I don’t have these values and beliefs because I’m blindly following what I’m told. I have truly felt the effects of watching pornography and consistently masturbating. It made me feel awful before I was even Catholic. It made me feel dirty and wrong. Not just because someone told me it is. But because it feels wrong. It’s not natural. I started doing it at a very young age to try to understand what my abuser had done to me. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to put aside my values to heal. I don’t want to have to go to confession and say “I watched porn to treat my OCD.” I don’t want to have to go into treatment constantly trying to defend my faith. I’m scared that I’ll get a therapist who tells me my religion is hurting me. Catholic people can suck. But I didn’t grow up with them. I chose to be Catholic. I chose to be religious. I chose this for God. I don’t want to have to turn my face from Him. My OCD is telling me that everyone who reads this will think I’m in denial and I’m ignorant and I’m stupid. Please don’t. That’s all I can say. Please don’t assume what all of my beliefs are. I don’t hold all the same beliefs as some people who are Catholic claim to. I truly believe in Love. I just want to be healed. TL;DR: Will I have to watch same-sex porn if it goes against my religion, values, and beliefs? Is that a requirement in order to heal from hocd?

Lms526

Date posted: 4y

First of all, you can request a counselor that is Catholic. I have done 3 sessions of ERP so far. The counselor will help you set up your hierarchy. They will help you choose exposures. My counselor asked me if there were any exposures I wasn't comfortable doing. I would tell the counselor up front you aren't comfortable doing any type of exposure involving porn. They will respect that. That being said, doing ERP is terrifying and extremely uncomfortable. It is incredibly difficult to resist the urge to do a compulsion. But if you put your mind to it, you can do it. So your anxiety will go crazy at first. It will surge big time. Your counselor will be there to support you the whole time. After the surge, the anxiety will peak and then decline. If you avoid doing a compulsion during or after the exposure you will notice a marked decrease in your anxiety.

anonymoose

Date posted: 4y

Thank you thank you thank you. I really was losing hope. Thank you for taking the time to respond!! I wish you well as you continue on your journey!

anonymoose

Date posted: 4y

I’ve reread this about 10 times (probably as a compulsion) and I’m just begging you to please avoid saying anything that could trigger me into doubting myself even more. I already doubt myself enough.

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