Question (and venting) about ERP I’m going to want to do ERP, but I’m really scared. I don’t know how I will be able to deal with the exposure, especially for hocd. I’m Catholic, and when I’m not experiencing a bad episode, I stand firm in my values and don’t doubt them. I don’t want to watch pornography. I don’t want to do anything unchaste. I truly believe that it’s a sin, and watching any kind of porn would be awful to me. I also used to have a mild addiction to masturbation, so I really am just scared. I’m scared that an exposure I will have to do will involve watching same-sex porn. It’s not even the fact that it’s same-sex. It’s the fact that it’s porn. I’m scared that I’ll fall back into masturbation. I did this summer, and it was awful. I don’t have these values and beliefs because I’m blindly following what I’m told. I have truly felt the effects of watching pornography and consistently masturbating. It made me feel awful before I was even Catholic. It made me feel dirty and wrong. Not just because someone told me it is. But because it feels wrong. It’s not natural. I started doing it at a very young age to try to understand what my abuser had done to me. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to put aside my values to heal. I don’t want to have to go to confession and say “I watched porn to treat my OCD.” I don’t want to have to go into treatment constantly trying to defend my faith. I’m scared that I’ll get a therapist who tells me my religion is hurting me. Catholic people can suck. But I didn’t grow up with them. I chose to be Catholic. I chose to be religious. I chose this for God. I don’t want to have to turn my face from Him. My OCD is telling me that everyone who reads this will think I’m in denial and I’m ignorant and I’m stupid. Please don’t. That’s all I can say. Please don’t assume what all of my beliefs are. I don’t hold all the same beliefs as some people who are Catholic claim to. I truly believe in Love. I just want to be healed. TL;DR: Will I have to watch same-sex porn if it goes against my religion, values, and beliefs? Is that a requirement in order to heal from hocd?

I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

I’m not making this post to gain any reassurance (my therapist would kill me lol) but I just need some support here as I feel so alone and lost. I’ve been in ERP for a few years now and it’s been a journey thus far. I’ve experienced many different themes but currently it’s on sexual themes and I’m being drowned by it. I have to do exposures with videos of girls making out or being sexual with each other and then basically sit with the discomfort after. My brain literally jumps all over the place all day long. It’s throwing every thing at me from shows that I watch where women who were once with men get with girls, family members that I have who are gay, it’s having me question if I love my husband or feel anything toward him anymore, I have these thoughts that I can’t get close to God because “I like women” while also having it tell me that’s it okay because gay people still follow God. The other thing that gets me is the guilt I feel with my kids. It’ll throw images of my kids at me and I cry instantly. My brain is constantly talking to itself if that makes any sense? Constantly battling itself throwing thoughts and feelings at me to prove that I’m supposedly gay and then the other part is firing back showing why none of it is true. It’s just a lot of noise all damn day ! Anyone get this?. I try to sit with it and let it just go at itself but now I’m being told that’s not what I’m supposed to do, that I’m supposed to interrupt it?. I really feel like there’s something wrong with me that this can’t just be OCD. Can anyone here share there experiences with these theme? Anyone experience my type of story? I feel like no matter what I do I can’t get out of this.