- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
As difficult as it may be, I think you’re searching very hard for reassurance. Which is very bad for OCD. Trust me. One comment reassuring you is worth a minute of reassurance but then 10 minutes of worse and worse anxiety and doubt. Right now I think it’s best to accept the possibility that you may be gay or bi and if that’s the case there’s nothing you can do about it. I have a huge fear of herpes. I can go to the bathroom and check myself down there all night. I can take pictures and ask my boyfriend to confirm. I can google. I can look again. I can feel down there again. And again. And AGAIN!! But at the end of the day I have to tell myself “yes. You may have herpes. So what? Relax.” And I just continually tell myself that. I accept the possibility of my fear being true. Then I’m usually more at ease with it.
- Date posted
- 6y
Sexuality in and of itself is so flexible too. It’s not black and white. You don’t have to be this and you don’t have to be that. Putting such rigid and black and white terms to your sexuality would drive anybody crazy.
- Date posted
- 6y
Also.... https://advice.shinetext.com/articles/5-ways-to-handle-uncertainty/ this is helpful for handling uncertainty. I do believe you’re fully panicking right now. Try taking some deep breathes. Listen to some good music. Relaxing music. Close your eyes. Hum or sing to yourself. Distract yourself. Your allowing your thoughts to carry you away and crumble.
- Date posted
- 6y
I just went to say that you gotta take these steps from now ok. 1) go to a therapist - doesn’t specifically have to be OCD but find a good therapist that you can SAY anything you want: all your fears and worries and thinking patterns - you will understand more and more about yourself, life , sexuality and what makes you happy which does not need to be associated with girls or sexuality at all. 2) do not force yourself to be GAY. Everyone on here is like yea it’s cool maybe you’re gay and stuff but the more you just do what feels right for you and natural the more happy you will be from all of this. It’s like even if a guy is not gay but he fears that he is...what now he has to go test and fuck a dude...hell no. The need to go do it find out also comes from the threat that it is upon you. The more you will slowly adjust to modern times and learn there’s nothing wrong with it and there’s nothing to fear and it doesn’t change who you are (sexual identity is too fucking overlooked by society) that things will be more chill. 3) stop trying to find an answer. The uncertainty is scary and stuff but I promise with time after you adjust to much more acceptance ABOUT EVERYTHING not just your sexuality but allowing and accepting PEACFULLY things that we uncomfortable with in the past - you won’t be looking for an answer not more and you’ll fall back to your natural attractions ....and hey if you naturally find yourself attracted to more than just one ...at least you took the necessary steps in preparing yourself to take that on chill peaceful and without a god daym worry in the world :)
- Date posted
- 6y
And for the gronial response I used to get a boner more than 25 times a day for men all men everything related to gay I would get a full fledge boner...and all I knew I was 100% straight and 0% gay before any of this happened ...and now I laugh at all those moments and don’t care if they were real or not knowing that they were super unnatural but the “I don’t care” is a big step towards laughing and having a good time through what feels like he’ll.
- Date posted
- 6y
Well that's a good thing then! It doesnt mean anything your body is meant to have a physical response to "sex". If it's a compulsion to check often I would try to limit the amount of time you spend checking to see if it arouses you.
- Date posted
- 6y
If it makes you feel any better, I am not personally into a lot of things that are in porn (3 somes, same sex etc) however when I watch it in porn I am turned on. Doesn’t mean I want it for myself tho. I know I’m not gay or bi and I know that I don’t ever want to have a three way. Doesn’t mean my body doesn’t react to seeing it though. Pretty shitty when you think about it but. I can’t help it I guess ??♀️
- Date posted
- 6y
that’s fine. but if you were gay what is so bad about that? You need to challenge this fear/obsession to defeat it
- Date posted
- 6y
Exactly, nothing would really happen. So why fear it? Sexuality is very intuitive. If you feel you are straight then you are straight! There’s no need to check if you are aroused by same sex porn, you know who you are and a slight arousal at porn (which is made specifically to arouse) doesn’t change that. Besides, if you were gay that is something you would come to realize naturally and as you know, nothing would happen. Just go with the flow and try to trust yourself
- Date posted
- 6y
You can watch gay porn and not be gay, not that being gay matters.
- Date posted
- 6y
I can't imagine how it would be with pedophilia OCD and forcing oneself to embrace uncertainty
- Date posted
- 6y
I receive groinal responses but I never actually like it
- Date posted
- 6y
I get very worried
- Date posted
- 6y
And even cried after
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve never been attracted to men and I don’t want to be
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh I'm sorry. I personally dont see an issue with it. If you are attracted to women you wouldn't be gay.
- Date posted
- 6y
The checking definitely sounds like a symptom. I cant reassure you and tell you what you are or arent, however this does sound like HOCD, especially from the constant checking of your arousal. I would say look into cbt, erp, and act, and possibly look up an ocd specialist in your area if you can and can afford it!
- Date posted
- 6y
expose yourself and learn to accept the thought. You know you’re not gay, but if you were—so what? What happens? Learn to be comfortable with yourself regardless of your sexuality
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks for trying to help I appreciate it
- Date posted
- 6y
But it’s destroying my ego and preventing me from doing basic things I haven’t slept in 24 hours and I keep crying
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey @zidzad I can help bro. I’m going and have gone through the same shit for a while. It affects us so deeply because yes our ego and yes our desire for getting girls and having the good life...oh buddy is it a journey to recovery and to the other side of your suffering. If you want we can talk!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hell**
- Date posted
- 6y
This thread is helpful, but reassuring for me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Check it? You aren't sure? Is it something you are afraid of?
- Date posted
- 6y
I check for arousal
- Date posted
- 6y
Has it ever aroused you? Does it worry you if it does?
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh ok. I dont check for it because I know I'm bi but it doesnt worry me that I am.
- Date posted
- 6y
What does that mean if I get a semi I’m very scared please
- Date posted
- 6y
I dont feel it's something to be ashamed of. ❤
- Date posted
- 6y
I even think once I got an erection
- Date posted
- 6y
I can deal with it anymore
- Date posted
- 6y
What makes you afraid of it? Does your family disapprove of same sex relationships?
- Date posted
- 6y
No I DONT WANT TO BE GAY
- Date posted
- 6y
I see what you are saying. You are just afraid you might be.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes
- Date posted
- 6y
I know I’m not gsy
- Date posted
- 6y
Or bi
- Date posted
- 6y
I just have shame over my erections
- Date posted
- 6y
Are you worried you have HOCD? Is this something youve done often?
- Date posted
- 6y
I think I have hocd I relate to most of the symptoms
- Date posted
- 6y
See I’m the only guy that has seen same sex porn. I don’t have hocd. I’m in denial I’m So sad ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Please I don’t want to be gay all I wanna do is love women
- Date posted
- 6y
Nothing I just feel very uncomfortable and depressed if I was gay but I don’t hate gay people
- Date posted
- 6y
I can’t live with the uncertainty. I can’t do it.
- Date posted
- 6y
Just try doing things to distract and calm yourself. Watch a YouTube meditation video
- Date posted
- 6y
I think people get aroused from sex in general no matter what gender or method. I think it is natural but does not mean you want to do it. Like your physical response is not so much emotional.
- Date posted
- 6y
If you see in a movie a person of the same sex masturbate you put yourself in his position and it causes you arousal ? Is this normal?(sorry for my english)
- Date posted
- 6y
Is this normal?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life
- Date posted
- 17w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
- Date posted
- 16w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and it’s genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, it’s always the same response, I don’t get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I don’t think that I am magically turning gay. I don’t think my orientation is changing or hasn’t been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so it’s not that I’m homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I don’t get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that it’ll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl I’ve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I don’t remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things we’ve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so it’s not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didn’t have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldn’t stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasn’t going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldn’t stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldn’t find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, “Maybe this isn’t a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did so”. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I can’t feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but it’s always been a struggle for me to believe. I can’t go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I can’t find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I don’t know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasn’t vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just can’t destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
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