Does anyone check Same sex pornography for arousal? I feel alone and scared I can’t do this anymore

As difficult as it may be, I think you’re searching very hard for reassurance. Which is very bad for OCD. Trust me. One comment reassuring you is worth a minute of reassurance but then 10 minutes of worse and worse anxiety and doubt. Right now I think it’s best to accept the possibility that you may be gay or bi and if that’s the case there’s nothing you can do about it. I have a huge fear of herpes. I can go to the bathroom and check myself down there all night. I can take pictures and ask my boyfriend to confirm. I can google. I can look again. I can feel down there again. And again. And AGAIN!! But at the end of the day I have to tell myself “yes. You may have herpes. So what? Relax.” And I just continually tell myself that. I accept the possibility of my fear being true. Then I’m usually more at ease with it.

Sexuality in and of itself is so flexible too. It’s not black and white. You don’t have to be this and you don’t have to be that. Putting such rigid and black and white terms to your sexuality would drive anybody crazy.

Also.... https://advice.shinetext.com/articles/5-ways-to-handle-uncertainty/ this is helpful for handling uncertainty. I do believe you’re fully panicking right now. Try taking some deep breathes. Listen to some good music. Relaxing music. Close your eyes. Hum or sing to yourself. Distract yourself. Your allowing your thoughts to carry you away and crumble.

I just went to say that you gotta take these steps from now ok. 1) go to a therapist - doesn’t specifically have to be OCD but find a good therapist that you can SAY anything you want: all your fears and worries and thinking patterns - you will understand more and more about yourself, life , sexuality and what makes you happy which does not need to be associated with girls or sexuality at all. 2) do not force yourself to be GAY. Everyone on here is like yea it’s cool maybe you’re gay and stuff but the more you just do what feels right for you and natural the more happy you will be from all of this. It’s like even if a guy is not gay but he fears that he is...what now he has to go test and fuck a dude...hell no. The need to go do it find out also comes from the threat that it is upon you. The more you will slowly adjust to modern times and learn there’s nothing wrong with it and there’s nothing to fear and it doesn’t change who you are (sexual identity is too fucking overlooked by society) that things will be more chill. 3) stop trying to find an answer. The uncertainty is scary and stuff but I promise with time after you adjust to much more acceptance ABOUT EVERYTHING not just your sexuality but allowing and accepting PEACFULLY things that we uncomfortable with in the past - you won’t be looking for an answer not more and you’ll fall back to your natural attractions ....and hey if you naturally find yourself attracted to more than just one ...at least you took the necessary steps in preparing yourself to take that on chill peaceful and without a god daym worry in the world :)

And for the gronial response I used to get a boner more than 25 times a day for men all men everything related to gay I would get a full fledge boner...and all I knew I was 100% straight and 0% gay before any of this happened ...and now I laugh at all those moments and don’t care if they were real or not knowing that they were super unnatural but the “I don’t care” is a big step towards laughing and having a good time through what feels like he’ll.

Well that's a good thing then! It doesnt mean anything your body is meant to have a physical response to "sex". If it's a compulsion to check often I would try to limit the amount of time you spend checking to see if it arouses you.

If it makes you feel any better, I am not personally into a lot of things that are in porn (3 somes, same sex etc) however when I watch it in porn I am turned on. Doesn’t mean I want it for myself tho. I know I’m not gay or bi and I know that I don’t ever want to have a three way. Doesn’t mean my body doesn’t react to seeing it though. Pretty shitty when you think about it but. I can’t help it I guess ??‍♀️

that’s fine. but if you were gay what is so bad about that? You need to challenge this fear/obsession to defeat it

Exactly, nothing would really happen. So why fear it? Sexuality is very intuitive. If you feel you are straight then you are straight! There’s no need to check if you are aroused by same sex porn, you know who you are and a slight arousal at porn (which is made specifically to arouse) doesn’t change that. Besides, if you were gay that is something you would come to realize naturally and as you know, nothing would happen. Just go with the flow and try to trust yourself

You can watch gay porn and not be gay, not that being gay matters.

I can't imagine how it would be with pedophilia OCD and forcing oneself to embrace uncertainty

I receive groinal responses but I never actually like it

I get very worried

And even cried after

I’ve never been attracted to men and I don’t want to be

Oh I'm sorry. I personally dont see an issue with it. If you are attracted to women you wouldn't be gay.

The checking definitely sounds like a symptom. I cant reassure you and tell you what you are or arent, however this does sound like HOCD, especially from the constant checking of your arousal. I would say look into cbt, erp, and act, and possibly look up an ocd specialist in your area if you can and can afford it!

expose yourself and learn to accept the thought. You know you’re not gay, but if you were—so what? What happens? Learn to be comfortable with yourself regardless of your sexuality

Thanks for trying to help I appreciate it

But it’s destroying my ego and preventing me from doing basic things I haven’t slept in 24 hours and I keep crying

Hey @zidzad I can help bro. I’m going and have gone through the same shit for a while. It affects us so deeply because yes our ego and yes our desire for getting girls and having the good life...oh buddy is it a journey to recovery and to the other side of your suffering. If you want we can talk!

Hell**

This thread is helpful, but reassuring for me.

Check it? You aren't sure? Is it something you are afraid of?

I check for arousal

Has it ever aroused you? Does it worry you if it does?

Oh ok. I dont check for it because I know I'm bi but it doesnt worry me that I am.

What does that mean if I get a semi I’m very scared please

I dont feel it's something to be ashamed of. ❤

I even think once I got an erection

I can deal with it anymore

What makes you afraid of it? Does your family disapprove of same sex relationships?

No I DONT WANT TO BE GAY

I see what you are saying. You are just afraid you might be.

Yes

I know I’m not gsy

Or bi

I just have shame over my erections

Are you worried you have HOCD? Is this something youve done often?

I think I have hocd I relate to most of the symptoms

See I’m the only guy that has seen same sex porn. I don’t have hocd. I’m in denial I’m So sad ??

Please I don’t want to be gay all I wanna do is love women

Nothing I just feel very uncomfortable and depressed if I was gay but I don’t hate gay people

I can’t live with the uncertainty. I can’t do it.

Just try doing things to distract and calm yourself. Watch a YouTube meditation video

I think people get aroused from sex in general no matter what gender or method. I think it is natural but does not mean you want to do it. Like your physical response is not so much emotional.

If you see in a movie a person of the same sex masturbate you put yourself in his position and it causes you arousal ? Is this normal?(sorry for my english)

Is this normal?