Not to offend anyone who is religious but my ocd has made me very anti religious. I feel like I’m a decent person, I asked god for help Multiple times and nothing changes. Idk it just makes it hard to believe in Miracles

It’s so hard to pray to God. I don’t want o put him on the back burner but I get anxiety talking to him and sitting in his presence. Then I will force myself to but then I just feel dumb since my flesh doesn’t want me to. And I pray and rush it then immediately scroll on my phone after cuz I get stressed and don’t know how to hear from him bc if I pray and just wait for Him I will get intrusive thoughts over and over and like I can’t even hear him anyway my mind is constantly going 1 million miles an hour and I have so many real life problems too on top of the ocd that makes it even harder.

so my dad is Jewish and my mom is Christian. I used to go to Hebrew school when I was younger, but recently I started going to church and becoming a Christian and turning to Jesus and when I recently got diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago I had really really bad religious OCD. I had very disrespectful thoughts about Jesusand God, but mainly Jesus. and I had very disturbing thoughts about Jesus that made me avoid a lot of things, but I know that’s making the OCD worse. I’m doing erp currently my religious OCD has honestly gone away. I’ve dealt with it. I am managing it but ever since I’ve had religious OCD and had disturbing and disrespectful thoughts about God in Jesus mainly Jesus, I’ve felt a awkward distance between me, God and Jesus and it just feels like I’m going to hell and they don’t love me anymore and I haven’t felt the same presence from God ever since I’ve had religious OCD and I’ve had some situations that I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit and I committed blasphemy and I just feel like God really doesn’t love me anymore and I’m done for i’ve kind of been numb to it so it’s not really bothering me, but I want a better relationship with God and Jesus it just feels like they don’t love me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? and I’ve had situations where I felt like I was very disrespectful and mocked God and Jesus, but mainly Jesus. And i freaked out for days didn’t feel like myself repented multiple times pretty sure this is just religious OCD but seriously I have not felt the same with my relationship with God and Jesus. OCD has really really affected my life and it sucks. I’m going through Harm OCD right now. So religious OCD has kinda gone away but I just want a better relationship with God and Jesus sorry this text is so long. Has anyone else gone through this?

I feel like I’ve just been stuck on a loop and I have no progress. I started a new medicine and it seemed to help a little but I get angry easily, and that leads to intrusive thoughts more and sometimes I don’t care about that hurts because I don’t mean these things. I just feel like there’s no hope anymore if any Christians have any Bible verses about you through OCD or any advice I would really appreciate it