Rumination is a compulsion. The more you do, the stronger and more numerous your intrusive thoughts will become. You are only making your OCD more powerful. You can convince yourself that you have found proof your thoughts are true (another compulsion) just because the intrusive thoughts feel true doesn't mean they are. OCD thoughts are not logical. You can't reason or argue with them. All of these are compulsions. Yes, they give you temporary relief from your anxiety. Butbthey make things in the long run. If you truly want to change your life, find a therapist who understands OCD and specializes in ERP. ErP will help you relieve your anxiety in the long term. But its your choice. You can either take steps to experience real change or you you can spend the rest of your life on the hamster wheel of constantly giving into your compulsions. Recovery will take hard work and time. No one but you can decide where you go from here.