I am about 99.99% sure I am bi-sexual but carry immense shame as a bi-male. I cherish traditional relationships or relationships with only women. I don’t know if it’s the anxiety talking or if it’s me but I want out of this depression so I can feel happy regardless of what it is, I don’t want to be depressed or sad anymore I feel a stronger attraction to women. I don’t know what else to say.

Yeah

I am not bi sexual, I know I wouldn’t have tried or done anything with a male prior to my onset of OCD I just wanted the thoughts to stop the entire experience was gross and disgusting, I worry all the time about the future even future relationships trying to explain to a woman why I did what I did or that I have a serious anxiety disorder that causes me to have unwanted thoughts. I know I belong with a woman for sure, I definitely don’t want to have another experience with a guy. It was gross 🤢 I feel shame and guilt for violating myself

This story goes deeper I can share if you like

I don’t enjoy this, this shit sucks

How do you even tell a woman that I tried something?? Like how do you explain to her you don’t enjoy or didn’t enjoy the experience?? I feel horrible…. I remember before this started how happy I was at 16.

@Bryan Hi again! Really sorry for the late reply, I’ve had a pretty bad migraine today and yesterday. I completely understand what you’re saying. This form of OCD can be incredibly confusing, and the lines between OCD and the truth, or ‘you’ can get incredibly blurry at time with all of the anxiety and racing thoughts. It’s not uncommon for people to feel that their thoughts ‘must’ be true, given the whole array of physical feelings, thoughts and urges that come hand in hand with the obsession. And that can sometimes lead people to do things that they would otherwise NOT do, if OCD wasn’t in the picture. I understand that you feel ashamed, but a woman you SHOULD be with is a woman who will want to understand the nature of OCD, and understand and appreciate that your past actions were the result of a debilitating and confusing anxiety disorder, as you say. Do you still want to talk to me about what happened?

@Elly Yes I do, do you think that she would understand it’s the result of an anxiety disorder? I mean if I fully explained it to her? Most women to my knowledge are pretty understanding for the most part, I do think I am being incredibly hard on myself for everything. I appreciate the reply also

@Bryan Yes, any decent person will understand that. It’s definitely complex, and don’t feel insulted if she looks confused at first - it will take some explaining, but once you’ve explained it, she will understand. You are being hard on yourself!

@Elly Ok