Whenever I feel really upset it's like I've convinced myself the thoughts are true because now I haven't been focused on my loss of attraction to guys and the checking to see if I like girls makes me feel sick, and now when I feel terrible it's like I feel that way bc I've "realized" that its just denial, and now it's making me think that being with the same sex will make me happy and it feels so real but that just makes me more depressed, and this might sound silly but I'm afraid of getting therapy and being happy and what if I find out its the truth, wich makes me think it's denial even more. It's a cycle of pain, I feel so anxious and depressed but I can't even cry. I just want to be straight, I don't want to feel like im homophobic and in denial anymore