what if God is using me through my compulsions to make things okay for people and that by not doing them i have ruined everyone’s lives. i feel like i had a responsibility and i even asked him to use me because i wanted him to but i don’t want to do compulsions anymore.

I have had the same problem since I was eleven. When I didn’t do my compulsions, someone very close to me died. I thought everything was fine when I didn’t do my compulsions but the next morning I found out the news and I was distraught. I still blame myself to this day. I saw someone that said in your mind go ‘ if I don’t do —( compulsion) my family will die in a car crash ( or something along the lines ) in one, two, three’ and then nothing happens. It’s quite reassuring I find and I think you should try it.

Gabrielle, my therapist keeps reminding me that God understands OCD. He understands what you are going through. Compulsions make us feel safe but they don't keep us safe. I think for me it is best to resist compulsions and trust God instead

You are not God and you are not that powerful. God understands your struggles. He knows your thoughts better than you do. Giving in to your compulsions brings you short term relief. Doing ERP will bring you long term relief. Every time you give into a compulsion you are strengthening the intrusive thoughts and making your OCD. It does nothing but keep you in bandage. You don't have to keep living this way. There is hope. Help isvavailanlw, but it won't come to you.