- Username
- G4brielle_02
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I have had the same problem since I was eleven. When I didn’t do my compulsions, someone very close to me died. I thought everything was fine when I didn’t do my compulsions but the next morning I found out the news and I was distraught. I still blame myself to this day. I saw someone that said in your mind go ‘ if I don’t do —( compulsion) my family will die in a car crash ( or something along the lines ) in one, two, three’ and then nothing happens. It’s quite reassuring I find and I think you should try it.
okay
Gabrielle, my therapist keeps reminding me that God understands OCD. He understands what you are going through. Compulsions make us feel safe but they don't keep us safe. I think for me it is best to resist compulsions and trust God instead
You are not God and you are not that powerful. God understands your struggles. He knows your thoughts better than you do. Giving in to your compulsions brings you short term relief. Doing ERP will bring you long term relief. Every time you give into a compulsion you are strengthening the intrusive thoughts and making your OCD. It does nothing but keep you in bandage. You don't have to keep living this way. There is hope. Help isvavailanlw, but it won't come to you.
Sometimes I have thoughts that I would normally assume to be ocd, not sound like ocd. I start to think/feel that it's God telling me to do these things?? I then end up feeling guilty for not immediately implementing these things into my life. I hate that so much of what used to feel like ocd seems unclear. I don't feel like a good person. I know a lot of sermons aren't made with ocd in mind, but I feel like I'm not listening to God if I don't listen to thoughts I would've thought were ocd before
I feel like my compulsions are taking over my life. Every freaking night i spend so much of my time doing and redoing all my actions from walking up the stairs to crossing a certain part of my room to getting it o to bed. i close my bedroom door like 9 times until it “feels right” and have to sing songs and focus on bones in my body just so that i don’t have a negative thought so that i don’t have to do it again. I’m so over it. i feel like i waste so much time stressing myself out about my thoughts and not having the thoughts so i do things to combat and distract from the thoughts and i just feel freaking insane. yes my medication is helping and makes be wayyyy better than i was three years ago but it still feel like it’s taking over my life. i cant stand it and i feel like the more i do it the more i’m getting g comfortable with other people seeing me do it which just means i’ll do it more. i just can’t !!! so many thoughts and so many actions and it’s all based on people i love so i feel guilty if i dont do the compulsion. And even when i realize that this is all ridiculous and that’s it’s apart of my OCD, i just get sad because i’m still going through with the compulsions and start thinking about how this is my life and how i’m stuck doing this stuff forever!!
I have completely lost myself. I was doing so well yesterday. I have absolutely no desire to hurt anyone but why does it bother me that I couldn’t hurt someone even if I wanted to. Like Do i really want to? I know my belief in God fully convicts my heart but why would I want to do it. My heart just wants to praise God but I even question why God made our hearts to praise him. Like why is it bothering me? I loved to be a good person and I truly want to be the old me again but why does it feel like I just don’t want to. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go to hell but why is murder in my mind. Is this existential more than harm OCD? I’m sorry if this is a confusing post.
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