I just started Therapy with NOCD, which I'm so happy about. Finally told my husband I am doing therapy, which I have been so nervous for because he doesn't fully understand OCD, he thinks I should be able to just fully shut it off and know my thoughts are ridiculous. I feel like that spirals my thoughts. Also, because we are Christians, there is a danger in allowing bad thoughts to just be there, I feel like that spirals me because with OCD, you must allow it to be there.

I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!

So... I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to do any of the things I loved; OCD took the joy out of it. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again." Love you!!!

Hey guys, just responded to a post about someone having their ROCD struggles and thought I might share in other groups as well in case it helps. While not everyone has ROCD, maybe some of my message can help others with this battle if it’s not something you guys already know. Maybe some of you guys can add your own thoughts as well. I’d encourage you guys to read my message even if you don’t share the Christian faith as I do. I encourage you guys further to read the Bible yourselves (what does it even say, anyway?). I’m only just a newbie to it, too, but it has helped a lot. The context: This is a response to someone who’s having guilt about their thoughts, partly because it goes against their faith. Anyway, here it goes: I can empathize and relate, especially when faith starts being thrown into the intrusive thought loop. My suggestion is to live your life according to your faith and your values, not your thoughts or feelings. Previously you might have used your thoughts and feelings to guide you as a compass, but try making God and His teachings your compass instead. Read the Bible, heck read it with your partner- that might help with feeling connected with him. Live your life according to your morals, not the world as “the heart is deceitful” (Jeremiah, 17:9) and the world has a way of demonizing certain relationship struggles (“you should be attracted to your partner”, “you shouldn’t question your relationship”, “you should have the same interests as your partner”, “you shouldn’t feel abc because it means xyz”). Make yourself a list for all the things you like about your partner, continually add/review them, and you will relearn to feel the feeling of appreciating them. What qualities about your relationship/partner have you enjoyed/make you stay? Love and loving relationships are built, not found. Notice how the reasons why you “don’t love” or “shouldn’t be with your partner” go against what God would want for you and are shallow lies from the world disguised as truths. Challenge these beliefs you’ve heard/held about relationships that are sabotaging yours. Have you considered maybe God wants you to stay with a loving partner who is good to you and cares for you? (assuming your bf is.) And lastly, find a therapist who SPECIALIZES in ocd. I’ve tried therapists who didn’t know what it was and not only were they unable to support me in the way I needed it but they kept unknowingly feeding my doubts. You are not a bad person or bad partner for having these thoughts. If you have not physically acted on your distressing thoughts, this is an extremely good sign. The fact that you know it’s wrong is a very good thing. Keep trying, even if you lose hope. Best of luck