it feels super real yet i am sitting here so chill about it all. whyy?? is it really real and i am just ignoring it to remain in denial?

does anyone else get INTENSE derealization (it’s the worse for me when i wake up from a dream in the middle of the night) and it’s so bad that it genuinely feels like nothing is real, not even thoughts are real, consciousness is not real, what the heck are we doing on a floating ball in the middle of darkness?? i feel like im in a simulation or a dream. i hate it sm ive had it everyday for 5 years, but tbh im not surprised it hasn’t gotten better because I have gone through some traumatic things recently and have had bad mental health. hopefully it could get better soon idk.

Is ocd supposed to feel like a genuine belief ? I see or hear some people saying things like « I know it’s not true but …. » while I personally don’t « know that it’s not true » I feels genuinely real and I even find evidence for it

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??