I first sought help for SO-OCD in 2017 after a sudden onset of the thought, "what if I'm gay?" I had been reading an online college fiction story that included a sex scene with two women, and that idea sent me into a spiral of sleepless weeks (literally), constantly checking my level of attraction to women, comparing it to my attraction to men, reevaluating past events, checking to see if my physical behaviors were "straight." It was awful. Fortunately I found help online when I realized that I wasn't alone and that countless others found themselves obsessing over a "sudden change" in their orientation. I was able to get therapy, though out of network and very expensive, and worked through CBT/ERP to overcome my most significant challenges. After about a year, through therapy and eventually on my own (costs, again smh) I felt I'd successfully managed my SO-OCD and experienced no distress on the rare occasion a thought did come to pass. Now, 5 years later, I've found myself back in familiar territory. I can't figure out what the trigger was here, and I've been experiencing immense distress as my brain constantly throws doubtful thoughts my way, and I unfortunately do my mental checks of reviewing memories, seeking online reassurance, and trying to "prove" to myself what is true by constantly thinking about proof one way or the other. Has anyone else experienced a spike after a long time of having managed their SO-OCD? And if so, was it difficult to get back on the recovery track? Is it normal to backslide like this?

What do you all do when you have a handful of tricky weeks? I’ve been feeling pretty good, but the last few weeks I have noticed my SOOCD and Pure OCD sneaking in and have ruminated a whole lot more. Just some background: -happily married to my husband with kids. -All types of OCD in my past, but SOOCD has been the theme now for awhile. -definitely having trouble considering the fluidity of the idea of sexuality in general. Also triggered by later in life coming out stories. -my SOOCD has been manageable but lately it’s just been in the background—like a mosquito—just there enough to notice and I’m definitely attaching meaning to the thoughts. Which turns into a cycle of rumination. Argh! - Returning to my ERP exercises. Is this what most people do? Feeling a bit stuck. Not looking for any reassurance just support—sometimes knowing I’m not the only one is a bit of the push I need. It’s just nice to know we all have each other’s backs! 😊❤️

When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?