- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s normal to have recovery for years and then to fall back into it. I’ve been told you need to constantly keep up with things and manage the ocd bc any thing can be a trigger and send you into Spiraling again . I hope you can get back to where you were before. I know you can do it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much. The onset was so sudden that it caught me with my defenses down and I was unprepared to use the methods I know to manage the intrusive thoughts. But that's how OCD gets you, by worming in when you aren't looking. I appreciate your words of support
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m having a flare up right now as well. The last time it was bad was about two or three years ago. Before this spike, I was suffering with relationship OCD in my current relationship as well as with close friends. My OCD wants me isolated. I decided to go on a trip with a bunch of girls to try to make friends and challenge myself to connect. I didn’t have any sexual attraction to the women but the intimacy and vulnerability required of me to be friends with them was overwhelming and I felt crazy and so different that I must be gay. I’ve always been hyper aware when women touch me in any way wondering if they have a crush on me or think I’m gay. Or if they look at my mouth when the talk to me, I think they want to kiss me and it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve ruminated on this for the last five days. Gone through every sexual scenario and can even convince myself that sex with a woman would feel good and I am attracted. No woman in real life has ever made me feel that way. I’m deeply committed to my boyfriend so much so that I’m moving across the state and switching jobs (this stress is also contributing to my flare I’m sure) to be with him. I’ve gotten reconnected to a therapist who helped me overcome anorexia and OCD associated with food and body and also have increased my dosage of lexapro. I even confessed to my boyfriend that I was bi and after being totally loving and accepting, he told me I could experiment if I needed to and I started bawling and said that I didn’t want to and that it was so confusing and exhausting because I’m not bi or am I??? Or maybe sexuality is just so incredibly fluid and I’m failing to accept the gray. Maybe I do think breasts and butts are beautiful and they turn me on but I still don’t wish to have romantic partnership with women. I meditate and do yoga daily. I’m just gonna do what I can and trust that this too shall pass. I’m grateful for this app and so happy to be here to give and receive support
- Date posted
- 3y
"My OCD wants me isolated" resonates so much with me, and I appreciate you sharing this insight. I wish you much success with therapy. With support and the right tools, I'm hopeful we can both reach wellness
- Date posted
- 3y
@genericusername33 We totally can 💗 only one life to live, we deserve the best even if we gotta fight for it
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- 3y
Did this ever mess with your libido
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- 3y
With men?
- Date posted
- 3y
At the time, I wasn't really dating anyone. Right now, I don't feel the same level of desire for my boyfriend that I usually would, but I can't tell if it's because of this episode or just not being in the mood right now/stress, or all of the above
- Date posted
- 3y
I had my first ocd thought and spiraled. I was diagnosed and put on medication. I felt totally normal, met my boyfriend got engaged moved in together. Back in January I found out I was pregnant and ended up stopping the medicine immediately. I had a miscarriage and I’ve been trying so hard to get pregnant again and haven’t been able to and I keep telling myself I’ll stay off the meds until I do. The bad thing is I’ve relapsed and it’s so much worse this time around. I just feel numb a lot of the time and I panic less apparently that’s a good thing but I just feel so hopeless honestly. I’m at a point where I want to start medicine again but I’m scared it won’t change my thoughts.
- Date posted
- 3y
I hear you and that sounds impossibly difficult. Rock and a hard place times infinity. It’s been my experience in the past that when I put my mental health first, the rest falls into place but I know that’s a different story when trying for a baby. Are there meds that are approved for pregnancy?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 12w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 6w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
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