- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s normal to have recovery for years and then to fall back into it. I’ve been told you need to constantly keep up with things and manage the ocd bc any thing can be a trigger and send you into Spiraling again . I hope you can get back to where you were before. I know you can do it.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much. The onset was so sudden that it caught me with my defenses down and I was unprepared to use the methods I know to manage the intrusive thoughts. But that's how OCD gets you, by worming in when you aren't looking. I appreciate your words of support
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m having a flare up right now as well. The last time it was bad was about two or three years ago. Before this spike, I was suffering with relationship OCD in my current relationship as well as with close friends. My OCD wants me isolated. I decided to go on a trip with a bunch of girls to try to make friends and challenge myself to connect. I didn’t have any sexual attraction to the women but the intimacy and vulnerability required of me to be friends with them was overwhelming and I felt crazy and so different that I must be gay. I’ve always been hyper aware when women touch me in any way wondering if they have a crush on me or think I’m gay. Or if they look at my mouth when the talk to me, I think they want to kiss me and it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve ruminated on this for the last five days. Gone through every sexual scenario and can even convince myself that sex with a woman would feel good and I am attracted. No woman in real life has ever made me feel that way. I’m deeply committed to my boyfriend so much so that I’m moving across the state and switching jobs (this stress is also contributing to my flare I’m sure) to be with him. I’ve gotten reconnected to a therapist who helped me overcome anorexia and OCD associated with food and body and also have increased my dosage of lexapro. I even confessed to my boyfriend that I was bi and after being totally loving and accepting, he told me I could experiment if I needed to and I started bawling and said that I didn’t want to and that it was so confusing and exhausting because I’m not bi or am I??? Or maybe sexuality is just so incredibly fluid and I’m failing to accept the gray. Maybe I do think breasts and butts are beautiful and they turn me on but I still don’t wish to have romantic partnership with women. I meditate and do yoga daily. I’m just gonna do what I can and trust that this too shall pass. I’m grateful for this app and so happy to be here to give and receive support
- Date posted
- 4y
"My OCD wants me isolated" resonates so much with me, and I appreciate you sharing this insight. I wish you much success with therapy. With support and the right tools, I'm hopeful we can both reach wellness
- Date posted
- 4y
@genericusername33 We totally can 💗 only one life to live, we deserve the best even if we gotta fight for it
- Date posted
- 4y
Did this ever mess with your libido
- Date posted
- 4y
With men?
- Date posted
- 4y
At the time, I wasn't really dating anyone. Right now, I don't feel the same level of desire for my boyfriend that I usually would, but I can't tell if it's because of this episode or just not being in the mood right now/stress, or all of the above
- Date posted
- 4y
I had my first ocd thought and spiraled. I was diagnosed and put on medication. I felt totally normal, met my boyfriend got engaged moved in together. Back in January I found out I was pregnant and ended up stopping the medicine immediately. I had a miscarriage and I’ve been trying so hard to get pregnant again and haven’t been able to and I keep telling myself I’ll stay off the meds until I do. The bad thing is I’ve relapsed and it’s so much worse this time around. I just feel numb a lot of the time and I panic less apparently that’s a good thing but I just feel so hopeless honestly. I’m at a point where I want to start medicine again but I’m scared it won’t change my thoughts.
- Date posted
- 4y
I hear you and that sounds impossibly difficult. Rock and a hard place times infinity. It’s been my experience in the past that when I put my mental health first, the rest falls into place but I know that’s a different story when trying for a baby. Are there meds that are approved for pregnancy?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time
- Date posted
- 13w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6w
I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.
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