- Username
- genericusername33
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It’s normal to have recovery for years and then to fall back into it. I’ve been told you need to constantly keep up with things and manage the ocd bc any thing can be a trigger and send you into Spiraling again . I hope you can get back to where you were before. I know you can do it.
Thank you so much. The onset was so sudden that it caught me with my defenses down and I was unprepared to use the methods I know to manage the intrusive thoughts. But that's how OCD gets you, by worming in when you aren't looking. I appreciate your words of support
I’m having a flare up right now as well. The last time it was bad was about two or three years ago. Before this spike, I was suffering with relationship OCD in my current relationship as well as with close friends. My OCD wants me isolated. I decided to go on a trip with a bunch of girls to try to make friends and challenge myself to connect. I didn’t have any sexual attraction to the women but the intimacy and vulnerability required of me to be friends with them was overwhelming and I felt crazy and so different that I must be gay. I’ve always been hyper aware when women touch me in any way wondering if they have a crush on me or think I’m gay. Or if they look at my mouth when the talk to me, I think they want to kiss me and it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve ruminated on this for the last five days. Gone through every sexual scenario and can even convince myself that sex with a woman would feel good and I am attracted. No woman in real life has ever made me feel that way. I’m deeply committed to my boyfriend so much so that I’m moving across the state and switching jobs (this stress is also contributing to my flare I’m sure) to be with him. I’ve gotten reconnected to a therapist who helped me overcome anorexia and OCD associated with food and body and also have increased my dosage of lexapro. I even confessed to my boyfriend that I was bi and after being totally loving and accepting, he told me I could experiment if I needed to and I started bawling and said that I didn’t want to and that it was so confusing and exhausting because I’m not bi or am I??? Or maybe sexuality is just so incredibly fluid and I’m failing to accept the gray. Maybe I do think breasts and butts are beautiful and they turn me on but I still don’t wish to have romantic partnership with women. I meditate and do yoga daily. I’m just gonna do what I can and trust that this too shall pass. I’m grateful for this app and so happy to be here to give and receive support
"My OCD wants me isolated" resonates so much with me, and I appreciate you sharing this insight. I wish you much success with therapy. With support and the right tools, I'm hopeful we can both reach wellness
@genericusername33 We totally can 💗 only one life to live, we deserve the best even if we gotta fight for it
Did this ever mess with your libido
With men?
At the time, I wasn't really dating anyone. Right now, I don't feel the same level of desire for my boyfriend that I usually would, but I can't tell if it's because of this episode or just not being in the mood right now/stress, or all of the above
I had my first ocd thought and spiraled. I was diagnosed and put on medication. I felt totally normal, met my boyfriend got engaged moved in together. Back in January I found out I was pregnant and ended up stopping the medicine immediately. I had a miscarriage and I’ve been trying so hard to get pregnant again and haven’t been able to and I keep telling myself I’ll stay off the meds until I do. The bad thing is I’ve relapsed and it’s so much worse this time around. I just feel numb a lot of the time and I panic less apparently that’s a good thing but I just feel so hopeless honestly. I’m at a point where I want to start medicine again but I’m scared it won’t change my thoughts.
I hear you and that sounds impossibly difficult. Rock and a hard place times infinity. It’s been my experience in the past that when I put my mental health first, the rest falls into place but I know that’s a different story when trying for a baby. Are there meds that are approved for pregnancy?
Intrusive thoughts about my sexuality disappeared in 2015 and returned during lockdown in July 2020. I have no idea why they went away for so long, but what I take from that is that it is possible to live life without them. I didn't realise in 2015 that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts or potentially SOOCD. I thought I was the only person on the planet experiencing this. In those 5 years completely free from those thoughts, I use to look back on it and laugh about it. I'd even confidently tell others about it and how silly it would make me feel looking back on it. It may seem dire right now and you're full of dread, but as long as there is possibility, you can get through this.
What do you all do when you have a handful of tricky weeks? I’ve been feeling pretty good, but the last few weeks I have noticed my SOOCD and Pure OCD sneaking in and have ruminated a whole lot more. Just some background: -happily married to my husband with kids. -All types of OCD in my past, but SOOCD has been the theme now for awhile. -definitely having trouble considering the fluidity of the idea of sexuality in general. Also triggered by later in life coming out stories. -my SOOCD has been manageable but lately it’s just been in the background—like a mosquito—just there enough to notice and I’m definitely attaching meaning to the thoughts. Which turns into a cycle of rumination. Argh! - Returning to my ERP exercises. Is this what most people do? Feeling a bit stuck. Not looking for any reassurance just support—sometimes knowing I’m not the only one is a bit of the push I need. It’s just nice to know we all have each other’s backs! 😊❤️
I suffered for a really long time (approx 2 years) with Real Event/False Memory ROCD. This led to a long period of chronic guilt, rumination, mental review and confessing. I sought help last year and finally realised I had OCD (hurrah) and wasn’t totally losing my mind. I felt as though I was (prior to diagnosis) when I told my therapist… “no matter what, I’m having the same thought over and over and every time I think I’ve found a way out of it, it comes back”. I felt really suicidal and could not see my way out of it for a while. I found a lot of help online with Instagram which led me to finding NOCD and a number of their therapists. I actually started NOCD therapy last year and was finally ridding myself of these horrible shackles and seeing that my life didn’t have to be defined by memories, mistakes and fears. However, unfortunately I fell ill and a number of life changing events happened (lost a beloved pet, was in and out of hospital, my stepdad became seriously ill and hospitalised) so I gave up therapy for the time being. Since, I’ve found myself distracted from my fears, I suppose I had a new theme to focus on (my health), I’d not realised it had become compulsive but I suppose it had. Anyway, it’s been a few months and I am still unwell but finding a way around it. I also have some great news in my life, I found out I’m pregnant and am beginning a new chapter in my life and am adapting to the changes and fears that come with that. Unfortunately 2 days ago I was floored by my old obsessions, back with vengeance with none of my old tools able to help again. I’m catching myself ruminating, I am noticing old patterns of mental review returning, here I am with that gut wrenching fear in my stomach constantly and words on my tongue ready to confess to things I may or may not have done (who knows!?). I feel so unprepared for this return of old fears… I thought I’d done well and almost become un-fearful again? I’m not sure where to go from here, I’ve enquired about some ERP again and am taking those steps. I’ve grabbed my old OCD books and am ready to remind myself to step out of those cycles. But I can’t help but feel devastated that the same old scary patterns have grabbed me again. Anyone have any top tips for coping in the meantime whilst arranging some ERP again 🪴
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