Rant (I'm feeling frustrated and having a hard time with the ocd community, so if you don't want to read, just keep scrolling) When people talk about soocd, they always talk about straight or gay people having this obsession, but never bisexual people. So then when people explain it simply as ego dystonic when you get thoughts about being attracted to a certain sex, that simply doesn't apply for bisexual people (because obviously bisexuality is being attracted to multiple genders, therefore telling a bisexual person with soocd that they are NOT actually attracted to a certain gender is incorrect, because what a bisexual person with soocd actually fears is typically that they are only attracted to on gender, as opposed to multiple like they always thought), So the thing is, I immediately feel left out and like I am the exception. It feels like no one ever explains what it's like to have been comfortably attracted to multiple genders, only for ocd to suddenly make you doubt whether you are attracted to one of those genders at all. (Example: I was a bisexual woman when my soocd first got triggered, dating my boyfriend, and the ocd makes me obsessively doubt whether I like men at all/wonder what if I'm fully gay.) Why does nobody talk about this? It's incredibly isolating and frustrating and leaves me feeling like soocd resources do not apply to me or my situation and simply spiral me into more despair that I am the exception. I don't know if it's rooted in biphobia or simply a lack of awareness of bisexuality in the mental health community, but it's incredibly difficult feeling like I don't even belong among other soocd sufferers either. I'm sorry if this makes people uncomfortable who have soocd and obsess about being bisexual, I know it can be a trigger. However, I will not say the reasons that I knew I was bisexual when I found out, I'm tired of getting asked that compulsive question and being expected to answer, which only makes ocd worse for the person asking as well as making my ocd worse.

Omg this is me too!! You have LITERALLY described my life and situation, and I totally feel you. The good news is, there is stuff out there on this (I have done so much research and am finding new pieces every so often). There is an article on iocdf.org about double invalidation by Elle Warren (insta, @griefgurlwithocd), one on men's health, published 5 days ago, a post with helpful comments on @kimberleyquinlan's insta, you have to scroll on her page to find her post on bisexuality and OCD, and just today I found the account @notdefining on Insta, where Mark talks about this exact experience in posts whilst being in a 'hetero' marriage. I guess I've been seeking assurance in some ways, but mostly I need this community as it's such a specific sub-sub type of OCD so I totally understand the absolute anguish it causes you, as it eats me up too. I am so happy in my relationship with my boyfriend but I have debilitating thoughts of should I be with a woman on paper, am I attracted to women more, etc, and this spirals me into a habit of checking online, catching myself checking my attraction to men/women in different ways to calculate my attraction levels, reassuring myself etc. I hope this helps. You and I are not alone!

I'm so glad. When I saw your post I just wanted to help because I truly understand, and I've been seeking out others in the same boat to feel less alone. Those resources are great so definitely do in your own time. I know how all consuming it can get with the mental checks! I am seeing a bisexually affirmed therapist based in the UK as I am from there. I've just started but she's amazing and she's called @bi.affirmativetherapist or similar on Insta. She understands OCD and anxiety and loosely diagnosed me but also specialises in working with bisexual people and sexually compulsive behaviour so I thought that would be helpful as it's not a straight out OCD issue if you get me? But nocd do provide therapists who cover all themes too. Same here with the lateness of things. I'm 30 and only last year was I owning my bisexuality and knowing it fully. I had years where I thought I was gay or more gay than straight, whatever that means, but romantically pursued guys and just pushed it to the back of my mind. For me so much has been about control and being 'fine' and pressure. Since I have been free and open with my partner and fully myself the OCD has hit, because I'm finally accepting and happy, so it's going after this stuff and causing doubt. I guess I'd say with your worries is that right now, you say you are not gay. Right now, you are happy and choose to be with your partner. Future proofing is useless. But also, sexuality is a spectrum!! Everyone is on that somewhere and we are making it easier for the next generations to be less black and white, because that is not truthful to the population, and it's been proven in many studies and stats. My bf after speaking to me was like, I'm probs not 100% straight. I don't think many people are 100% gay or straight over a lifetime, most are conditioned to think they should be. Lisa Diamond has done amazing research on the fluidity of all sexualities. I've spent hours looking at all the research to keep teaching myself this, so I still struggle, but as soon as we stop obsessing over labelling and being one specific thing we can actually breathe in the acceptance. Easier said than done ofc!

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So long sorry! But I really feel strongly about it, and I'm doing better after a therapy session this afternoon.

I also wanna add that I grew up loving men primarily, having crushes on them , and yes dealt with unhealthy information about sex from society/porn and unhealthy christian teachings. Also I have enjoyed having sex with men and being in relationships with them. Sex to me was something you did in relationships with someone you love and trust minus me doing the opposite too many times. I’ve a lot of scars because I gave my virginity before ready. I have also come to a point of feeling brainwashed. I’m also so isolated and the pandemic put a wrench in my life so I think it’s so complex. Also thoughts of you can’t be bi because you would be thinking of men more or your sapphic leaning so how are you allowed to be with a man if you’re not gonna want sex etc….. I feel guilty tired of all of this.

Last comment. I’ve also gone down the road of looking into the possibilities of being demisexual as well because I have experienced that indicated I very well could be towards men.

Do you guys talk anymore , I like women and trans women like genitalia of both not necessarily men: I know I fall on the bisexual spectrum and my ocd latches out , how do you do erp. I seen things for homosexual and straight but not for me I probably 80/20 most straight but my attractions flip flop as when I with someone in real I prefer women and fantasy wise I fantasize about both. But most the trans women and male genitalia . This latches on to my ocd as when I was younger I didn’t care