- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You’ll get different opinions as to whether it’s right or wrong. What’s yours? In case you really do think you were wrong, how do you respond to that? Maybe, instead of looking for reassurance that you did nothing wrong, you need to figure out how to have grace for yourself when you have done something wrong and can’t convince yourself otherwise. Everyone does things that violate their values. It’s important to know how to live with your shortcomings. In fact, it’s a crucial part of being able to do better. Lots of hugs. :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much. Those are really wise words. I do feel like what I did was wrong and I have talked to my wife about it for years but I don’t know how to forgive myself. She’s told me that since it was before we even kissed that it doesn’t matter but I can’t help but feel guilt
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just another OCD guy Letting go is a really hard thing to do when we feel like we *should* suffer over something. Like how do you feel okay that a loved one has passed or that you hurt someone or that someone hurt you? Isn’t that kind of flippant? I dealt with this question recently as I was asking myself how to forgive another. I am a Christian, but my religious beliefs don’t entirely answer the question of how to let go emotionally while still holding the act as wrong even if your attitude is one of forgiveness. Fortunately, humans have a great way of letting go of things while reverently acknowledging their significance. It involves some pain, but we are all familiar with it: grieving. What was lost? What harm was done? What was wrong about what happened? Let yourself feel sad about it for a little bit. Don’t be angry at yourself. Don’t think about how you’re going to talk to someone else about it or what you’re going to do about it. Just be sad from your own perspective. Say goodbye to what was lost, what could have been. Then be mindful of what your feeling and thinking, and your surroundings, reminding yourself that you are here now and have a choice as to how you live now and that there are many beautiful things around you that are still beautiful right now regardless of whatever their history was. Lastly, get out there and live your life and do things that matter to you. This is just what helps me in matters of forgiveness. Hope it helps you.
- Date posted
- 3y
Does your wife know you were seeing other people when you first met?
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah I’ve told her but I still feel bad. When my wife and I first met we were just friends but it quickly became more and more obvious that we had a connection so I stopped seeing other people.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just another OCD guy I suffer from ROCD as well as many other themes so I know what you mean.... Even though it all feels real, unfortunately OCD just keeps lying to us and we have to do the ERP..... Try to do some ERP or a Hobby when you are too much in your head....
- Date posted
- 3y
@KathyA Yeah I’m trying :( I just can’t picture life without her. I’m scared to disappoint her or her regretting me. Such a shitty feeling. Thanks for replying. I really needed someone to talk to
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just another OCD guy You’re welcome! It really is a horrible feeling! OCD is just terrible.... I’m still trying to figure out how to let go and stop ruminating as well...
- Date posted
- 3y
A lot of my friends tell me that they usually date multiple ppl at once until they find someone they want a relationship with....
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
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- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.
- Date posted
- 13w
I slept with someone before I met the love of my life .. I slept with this guy and then the next day I met the guy I’m seeing now at a restaurant.. we hit it off from there and been together ever since .. I’ve had major ocd about confessing that I had a one night stand before him .. but I fed so hard into the ocd that I kept saying well what if I did more bad things not only before .. BUT AFTER I MET HIM.. So I’m comming here for some reassurance … my question to yall is .. if I did something wrong RIGHT AFTER I met my boyfriend , wouldn’t I have been stressing about that rather than what happend BEFORE ? Or maybe I just forgot ?? HELP
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