Before me and my wife got together 7 years ago I was hooking up with other women and I feel so guilty. My wife and I had already started flirting and we had cuddled while watching a movie at a friends house and I think I was still hooking up with someone else. After we had our first kiss I never hooked up with anyone again but I still feel so guilty. I feel like a horrible human being and a cheater.

I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….

I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.

I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.