is it normal for someone with non-sexual related trauma to be afraid of sex and relationships? i am almost 22 and have never had sex or been in a serious relationship. the vulnerability of it all is so overwhelming for me. so much that i almost feel detached from it. it’s hard hearing about my friends losing their virginity when i am one that is so afraid of that. it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. that of course triggers my ocd..really bad. like i said, i have a lot of trauma but none of it is sex related. i just feel like there’s something wrong with me..

At this point of my life I barely have compulsions, barely let them control me, but recently I have realised my OCD is still keeping itself alive by holding me back and making me avoid stuff since I cut compulsions. So I don’t do compulsions but I avoid. And when it comes to SO OCD, I avoid dating. I am in the age where it’s the most common thing to do, I have friends who are getting married and I still haven’t seriously dated my entire life. If I date I date to marry. But it’s making it even harder. My brain tells me I can’t date to marry or date at all because no man will accept the possibility that I am bisexual or the fact I might have intrusive thoughts over sexuality. Worse than that, what’s actually holding me back is the fact that in one of our dates I know I’ll have to bring this up. And what if the man will start to get stressed over it? What if it’ll be too much for him and he’ll leave? And worse-tell the people that know both me and him all the personal things I told him about me having SO OCD? I can’t do this.. I don’t want to do this to myself I don’t want to let go of this secret to any man who can just leave me because of it at any point.. that’s what’s holding me back from dating.. and I want to be brave, I want to just go for it, I want to let it go but am too afraid I am just selling myself and my darkest secrets out there for men who can cancel me at any moment. I gave up on dating… it’s all too complicated for me and I have this voice in the back of my head telling me maybe I wasn’t born for it. Maybe I wasn’t born to get married or be in a relationship, maybe I am not good enough for all of this.. and then OCD adds its own stuff.. maybe I am gay and dating would be lying to myself and the men I date.. too much responsibility..

i need some kind words or maybe some advice? basically i went through trauma as a kid including sexual, and acted out in disturbing ways. I’ve done things i regret. even as an early teenager i did also. the only weird things ive done recently were compulsions and weird ocd driven stuff… but besides that ive found it easy to forgive myself for a lot of stuff because i know myself and my intentions and also talking to people helps. but one thing that’s hard is when im intimate with others or in a relationship. i feel so gross and undeserving like if they knew everything ive done in my life they would hate me. I don’t tell everyone everything, i think i only did that with therapists and like one family member. I feel like if I don’t tell someone everything I’ve done that I regret and see if they forgive me for it, then that means im “hiding” something about me and being malicious. anything helps :(

Im a 22F i have struggled with ocd probably all my life but it really came to a head when i was 15 I had a severe panic attack surronding the potential of being lesbian or asexual. As a young child i did experiment with some of my friends and remembering feeling arousal. At the age of around 7 i started watching corn, mainly lesbian corn i guess i found it more arousing (This makes me very anxious would watch twerking or provocative stuff. Although from memory i only had crushes on boys. I still continued to watch corn changing types and so forth. When i got a bit older i became really shy and scared of boys i remember being 13 and this boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend i panicked and cried. I would panic for days after my first kiss worrying about people knowing or i was bad etc. I felt as though i would find guys attractive but wouldnt think “ I want them to rip my clothes off” i would think they are hot or nice to look at and may feel nice inside. Around the age of 13 i saw this girl at a cheer comp who i thought was stunning i became obsessed with her wanting to be her friend and even starting cheer at the gym i dont believe i wanted to be intimate with her but i cant really remember all i know is i started to by clothes i saw her wearing and wanting to be like possibly thought about a kiss but i cant remember and if i did i dont remember me thinking much about it at the time. Then when i hit around 15 it all came to ahead ending with me in the hospital from the sheer panic of being a lesbian bi or asexual. I had gotten over that theme but still felt my attraction was warped to some degree, and continuing porn use. i then enetered my first relationship and i liked him at the start but sex was an issue i felt excited but not satisfied due to manu reasons including contamination and checking if i felt attracted or aroused enough. Currently going through another episode of this and i really would like some help, advice and i know reassurance is not great but if anyone has experienced something similar. I cant picture myself in a relationship with a woman and i dont think im attracted to any women in real life but i also worry that im not attracted to boys either i just feel like my childhood is a stem for my anxiety with this theme Sorry for the long post