so i am a Christian and my Christian values make me feel like that's the reason i am in denial. i love all people and support everyone, but in these 2 years my so-called mentality has changed a lot because of tiktok, like yes i am more open to it and understanding, but i don't feel like myself anymore. i really feel like i am in denial because of that

Please don’t judge until you read this I have religious beliefs and I want to understand the lgbt community but my beliefs is that being lgbt is a lustful sin and I don’t like it. I have been trying to tell people I’m not trying be mean it’s just what I read in the Bible and what I believe. But I’m not gonna kick my friends out if they were to come out at any point. And I’m not trying to spread my beliefs but it is also my calling as a Christian to spread the gospel as well but I do believe that you can still be saved even if you’re lgbt if you believe in god but I worry about that because my god doesn’t want people to keep sining over and over again and I love people but I hate how they don’t understand me. So I just try and pray for them and hope they understand. I feel horrible so I never know if I want to go back to god or not.

I have been doing okay for the past week or so and was really happy i felt that i was getting back on track, but today i went on tiktok and i saw something triggering which was “i thought i was a lesbian for 4 years until i met my now boyfriend” and it triggered me very badly, i have been crying all day and i can’t seem to make myself feel okay. i feel like im lying to myself that im not lesbian and i truly want men, but when i get any thought about men it feels disgusting and wrong and not me, i don’t want men i feel so sick i want to get out of this. i always felt so happy as a lesbian im so stuck i don’t want to be with a man. i have a loving girlfriend i just want to be happy with her.

Im not religious or anything I do believe in God I guess that would be Christianity but I don’t call myself a Christian due to me in life seeing a lot of Christians are such hypocrites and something regarding to this on TikTok has been very triggering for me I don’t know has anyone seen those people inducing fear by basically telling people that they will be going to hell if they don’t give their life to Jesus Christ because of the end times ? Like I don’t understand if our religion is about love and etc why are most Christians hateful and just bad… and what is the end times it seems like they say it’s the end times every year and how would you even know if it was the end times your not God like I think a lot of Christians think they know everything because who even gave you the right to start telling everyone the end times are coming … and like now I’ve been scared I’m go to hell so now my thoughts has me freaking out on me going to hell