i just saw a real of a pretty girl and she looks cute but what if i want to date her? i really don't want to imagine it because i feel like i would like it and it annoys me

When i have this scenario in my head : kissing a girl in my bed , i can image it very much mike i like it and it will come naturally I dont know if i really like it and i dont like that i like the idea Or That i just dont like the idea Also feeling really weird and maybe even sort of disgusted of my bf when i image the same scenario with him, or i feel like i cant image kissing him Wtf is this ?

So another obsession just popped up and it’s how during school I had a class with this one girl and I would always notice her. Like whenever I looked around my eyes would always go to her. And right now I’m just scared and feel like a terrible boyfriend bc even when something funny happened I would look around but my eyes would find my way to her. Now I feel like I just wanted her to notice me and it feels weird

So I know for a fact that I'm not ready for relationships. It's just not something I feel like I can do due to insecurities, self confidence, anxiety, and self esteem getting in the way of that. It's something that's always on my mind due to fomo and societal norms. I know I would like one but I haven't found any other reasons beyond the biological want. There's a woman that I really do like spending time with and I kept thinking of trying to chat with her more just as a friend to hang out and just get to know her more. Everytime I've seen her it's been a great time and we get along really well. We click on a lot of things and have big interests in common. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her as a romantic partner but I just know that's not something I can do. Is it disingenuous to try and be friends with her despite having this on my mind time and time again? This is the one thing I could never find myself getting over.