i don't feel like i will ever be able to like a guy :(

will i ever be free or is this all there is for the rest of my life

Has anyone felt like they never would find their person. Like you really couldn’t see it happening for you and then you found that person ?? What was it like?? Because I’m losing hope here. I really feel like there is no one for me

Sometimes I get really really excited at the idea of falling in love with someone, I guess that’s pretty normal but what I’m feeling now isn’t. To make a long story short, I’ve known a boy from a video game for about a year, he all of a sudden got insanely sexual with me and refuses to talk to me now until I “ give him pics”. (I’m not gonna give that to him, no worries there). I realized I got obsessed with the idea that “ we might be friends then lovers”, and because of that I literally want to cry knowing his intentions. Someone told me” boys will be boys, they just think with their (redacted)”, and that made it worse. With my history of men being sexual with me as a child, my brain is obsessing over the idea that it will always be this way.