First time poster. If anybody can help, I'd really appreciate it. I'm terrified I did something very wrong over 30 years ago and hurt someone. I never thought about this until 2020 when I had an OCD episode which resulted in me checking my past to make sure there was nothing I had forgotten. At first different scenarios cam e to mind about which I obsessed over for many months to see if I had done any of these things. I finally managed to move on but then earlier this year, it was triggered again. More thinking followed and I suddenly got this new memory of doing something awful to someone. I say memory, it was more like a snap shot. Months later, I'm still really struggling. The thing that I keep telling myself is that I would have remembered before if this was true. Surely, it would have popped into my memory over the years and bothered me, especially as I have had other false memories (I hope) along the same theme over the years. It's just horrible. I am waiting for therapy but I still have a couple more months for it to start. If anybody can help, I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you aswell I’m here for a message anytime

I have false memories and intrusive images connected to those false memories that’s the scariest part because you have a picture or a little snippet in your head that keeps playing and playing and the more you think about it the more detailed it becomes. It’s the worst theme I’ve had to deal with in my ocd life best piece of advice I can give you is accept the thought just say to yourself sure ocd whatever you say don’t try and fight it and wonder why or how it couldn’t have happened because you will never win. Even say to yourself I choose to believe this is my ocd and when the thought comes you just say sureee ocd whatever you say the more you feel like the thought means somthing the more it’s going to be there just stick to your guns and keep trying hard we will all get over this horrible thing that is ocd

Thank you so much for replying. It really is hell isn't it. I try really hard to dismiss it as ocd but then I'll get a feeling or memory from around that time and I'm 'remembering' feeling worried/guilty so that proves I did it. If I did do it, why haven't I ever thought about it during the last 30 odd years? It just doesn't make sense.

I also think " I know I have ocd but maybe this time it's real".

I really feel for you. It sounds like you're doing really well in out manoeuvering this awful illness, I'mreally impressed and you give me hope x thank you so much for sharing this with me. If I can be of any help to you, please feel free to message me x

False memory ocd is one of the worst themes of ocd so just think if you can make it threw this we can make it threw any type that out ocd throws at us

You may have PTSD. Abusing someone and remembering it later can be pretty traumatic and scary. The flashbacks may be repressed memories resurfacing. Whether or not these things actually happened, the thought that they might have can be really scary, but in neither case is it an indication of something deeper, darker in you. You may have some trauma to work through and process, or you may have some false memories to work through, but either way, you get to choose moving forward how you treat other people and reduce the chance that you'll harm anyone by working on being aware of yourself and your own morals and values.

It started in my relationship what if I cheated on my girlfriend and I would think of situations of me cheating and then believe them and have to tell my girlfriend to get relief even message the girls to ask if I had done anything like that with them of course the answer was always no but then one day I seen a news article of someone who was murdered close to me and I thought what if that was me and I went threw everything I done that day and resided it couldn’t possibly be me so my thought went to what if I murdered a boy I knew that had died 8 years ago that I knew he died from a drug overdose the thought went to what if I spiked him with the drugs I would’ve only been 15 at this point but that thought went on for months untill I felt like I was getting better then I had the thought what if I killed somone when I was on holiday and I imagined me killing a woman on holiday with a knife and I couldn’t shake it so I looked up woman murdered in kavos the place that I was and I seen there was a woman who was found dead on a island 600 miles away and the thought went to what if that was me what if I pushed her I went threw so many things that prove it couldn’t be me but my mind made up ways that it could be I think what if I got a private jet over and back to make it in time for when I was back with my friends and they would have never knew. There’s been other thoughts aswell there was a boy that had died not too long ago that I knew aswell and it was a drug overdose but I wasn’t exactly sure how so my mind made up what if I put the needle on him and enjected him but I found out it wasn’t that atall and it couldn’t have been me so the thought disappeared so quick