i really feel like the reason i am depressed and suicidal is because i am not accepting myself

Accepting and loving yourself will most likely help

but the thing is i don't want to be gay i don't think i am but i just don't know how to explain it to you

@Lilyrosalynd In my opinion- I guess the first step is to accept that being gay is okay. It’s okay for others so you have to think “well if I were gay, I’ll still be me but my SO will be different. No big deal.” But I relate a lot to how you feel cuz I may have sexual orientation ocd too. Doubting my sexuality a lot but I think I have a grasp of knowing who I am. So I’ve accepted those who are gay and I’ve accepted the idea if I were gay. Then I move on with life cuz sexual orientation isn’t everything. SO is part of you but it isn’t all of you. I try not to obsess about it.

@AngelCarmo i was doing better too but now i just can't accept it. i just can't accept that i might be gay. i don't want to. it even feels like i don't know myself anymore. at first i was so aware that i was straight but my mind was bugging me. now idek