Really need help Bit of a background story: i had a weird online relationship for three years, i was 16 then broke up when i was 19. it started out as just “roleplaying” as anons (anons are people who faceclaim celebrities to roleplay whichever character/personality you wanna be but not use your face) basically this girl and i, we were just acting ourselves except we were both anons of a band we mutually liked. I never had a boyfriend before (i’m bi) and when i was 16 this was a nice way to feel that “lovey” butterflies feeling in my stomach or just something fun. We started out as anons first but later on fell deeper for each other, beyond anons. Basically we broke up when my ocd flare up first time happened. It’s been three months, we talk sometimes we’re good. I still miss her but we have both kind of moved on maybe. THING IS i’ve been obsessing over my next relationship. How am i gonna let my future boyfriend/girlfriend in this information? It’s all too weird but it’s important i confess this because i believe transparency is good in a relationship (also its my ocd brain wanting everything out on the table when i date someone, even the weirdest kinks) I’ve just been obsessing over this. What if i find a perfect guy but he gets turned off or weirded out about my weird first love?

I don't think you have to talk about anything you don't want to. If you do want to then that's different. I think a lot big us with OCD have perfectionism issues so I try and let that stuff go

If they find that too weird they aren't for you. Bring yourself back to the present :-) focus on today

Shouldnt i be transparent with my past?

Wow finally someone has posted something that has a relation to myself. Except I was about 14-16 when this happened and I never assumed I was bisexual for it because I didn’t feel any sexual feelings for the girl nor were we in a actual relationship because I was roleplaying a day guy, and in real life I was still having crushes on guys and stuff. But now I’m looking back and wondering if that means I’m bisexual because I had romantic feelings towards a girl? This is feeding my ocd really badly and I’m currently in a relationship with a guy. I don’t feel any sexual feelings towards girls and when I think back at that time I feel like I felt those things because it was my first experience with anything of “lovey” but it was nothing compared to my first actual relationship with a guy I was madly in love with.

Did you open up your relationship to the guy? I’ve went on dates while being with the girl and i actually fell inlove with her. I was long a bisexual before i met her lol

I never thought about a long term relationship with her, or kissing her. I went through a traumatic experience during the “role play” time and although I never spoke about it to her, she helped me through it by being there. Which is why I think I had feelings of love and attachment. But once things were done with her, I ended up in a relationship with a guy and fell for him like nothing before and dated him for 5 years and I opened up to him about it and explained that I wasn’t sexually attracted to her (we never met either) and I didn’t want an actual relationship with her. He was understanding and never judged me for it because I explained I wasn’t bisexual despite having feelings of love for her. And now I’m in a new relationship and for some reason I’m worried about that being something more than what I felt it to have been. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with me being bisexual, I knew I liked guys and was attracted to guys but while roleplaying I would date girls just for fun and stuff and now I’m worried that it means that I am?

You’re only bisexual if you actively find girls attractive to the point you’re open to dating them or if you’re attracted to girls sexually or romantically. The girl I was with was straight, that’s what she told me but she fell inlove with my “soul”. She couldn’t see being with me because I’m a girl but she knew she loved me so much. I think you were in her situation. I’m just worried if this past of mine is something I have to share to my first official boyfriend. The relationship I had with her felt real and I loved her beyond gender and distance and anything else. She really is my first love and my first heartbreak. She’s more than a milestone.

I guess what just confuses me is that since I had strong feelings of love and considered that as me being in love since I didn’t have any other experience and I also got jealous when I found out she had a boyfriend then I’m bisexual. That does seem like my situation too. When things were over I did feel like I was heart broken but it was nothing compared to when my ex bf broke up with me. And when I look back at that time I can’t remember how I actually felt or anything. When I think about my first love I consider my ex bf to be it. I don’t actively find girls attractive, I can notice when a girl is really pretty but I don’t want to do anything with them, or can see myself dating a girl. In high school I did experiment with a best friend but it didn’t change anything for me. And when I look back I don’t feel anything about it. All of it is just weighing on me and it’s genuinely upsetting. I haven’t thought about this in about 6 years and all of a sudden it popped up in my head and it’s been like an obsession. Also, it depends how comfortable you feel discussing how you’re first love was a girl to your next relationship with a boyfriend. I felt comfortable and I was worried I was going to be judged and in the end I had nothing to worry about. Also, you don’t have to be ashamed to share that your first love was a girl. If he truly cares about you he’ll understand and will still be there.

I’m not bisexual if I felt like I loved her? Sorry if it’s annoying im just trying to find some answers to questions and you’re the only other person I’ve seen on here that mentioned roleplaying.