- Username
- Jeff09
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i feel kind of the same, with the suicidal/existential ocd. ive told a bunch of other people on here with the same problem that no youre probably not depressed, never were and never will be. ocd fears always leans up against your values, so in the case of suicidal ocd where you fear depression and suicide, its because youre a happy person, and you fear losing it! the existential stuff kind of goes hand in hand with it too, because the depressing existential intrusive thoughts usually also comes from a place of feeling the opposite, that life has purpose, meaning and magic in big amounts.
All very true! Thank you so much for the post! One things that has really helped is the article titled “Choice” by Dr Stephen Phillipson. It has been a huge help in working towards recovery. Through this article I am coming to realize that being human means slogging thorough the mid with the rest of humanity. I understand that everyone has the exact same thoughts that I have, most people just don’t worry about them. They identify these thoughts as irrelevant and move on with their day. This is what I am presently working on and it seems to be helping. I am also learning to habituate to my triggers which is also spoken about in the article. That has also been helpful. I have combined these two practices with putting effort into getting good sleep, exercise, exposure to my themes, supplementing with vitamins and trying to eat somewhat healthy have also been a help.
Also, it’s hard to tell if my feeling is a fear of my thoughts that is causing anxiety, or a truly depressed mood. I’ve never really considered myself a depressed person but maybe I have? I’m not sure. I’ve always been fairly outgoing and put spoken. Not always the most positive person but I like to make people laugh. Sometimes I joke too much and go a bit far and that in the past has lowered my mood because I realize that I need to tone it down a bit. Overall though I’ve always felt like I’ve had the normal ups and downs mood wise that everyone else has. So confused as to what’s happening.
Honest to god I’ve been going through this for the past few years and it can be very scary
For a few years!?!? How have you been dealing with it?
This also turns into an existential thing for me as I’m always analyzing people, assuming certain people are most likely depressed, asking why are we here. This in turn makes me begin to feel like life is hard and I start to get annoyed easily. I feel almost like it comes down to how I am judging people, places, experiences and existence. But I truly don’t want to think about these things, I would much rather live a long happy healthy life in which I do not question these things.
Yeah exercise is really good as well as meditation. I’m trying to stay off of meds because they scare me. I’m trying to supplement with vitamins which seems to work ok but is definitely not the perfect cure. It’s like every time I start to feel good, my mind says “yeah, you’re good until you’re not”. Then when I imagine what being “back to the normal me” would be like all I can think of is having this all reoccur and being less able to deal with it. It scares the hell out of me!
Oh wow! Nice to know I’m not the only one. How long have you had ocd? Mine has been present off and on since high school when I had contamination ocd, fear of losing my family ocd and health ocd. Then it went pretty much dormant since I was 20-21. I’m 34 now with a family and I now have this terrible fear of killing my wife and little girl, both of whom I love with all of my soul! I also fear becoming depressed and/or killing myself . This has lead my mind down the existential road. Sorry if I am going on and on. Just trying to get a better road map of how to beat this and live a life less anxious.
Honestly .... me too!! I have existential ocd and harm ocd So they feed off of eachother I honestly have just gotten used to the anxiety... but I’m going to start medicine soon and exercise. They say exercise is super benificial for your mind
Haha that’s weird . We are like the exact same person!! Medication scares me too. I had a horrible experience a while back that made my OCD worse. I definitely think natural supplements are good and exercise that helps stretch your body and challenge your muscle strength. Weights are a good part of it. And change your diet too. Avoid processed sugar and bad carbs. Too much sugar sets off anxiety.
Does anyone get “intrusive feelings”? I’ve experienced intrusive thoughts and urges, but I’m noticing intrusive feelings too. I’m about to start PMS-ing and I’m having weird depressed feelings like “I hate my life, everything sucks, maybe i want to die”. I have suicidal OCD and it seems like this is what my brain gravitates towards when I’m under stress. Even though I DO NOT want to die by any means, my brain throws these thoughts at me and it’s so scary bc I feel like maybe a part of me actually wants to do it. Idk why I feel depressed and shitty about my life when really I don’t want to be you know?? What do you guys think?
Anyone else have moods they can't seem to get out of? Can't tell if this is tied to my anxiety or OCD...
It’s so weird how OCD just comes about with no explanation, out of nowhere. My issue has been feelings. I have moments of hyper focusing on feelings, trying to figure them out, and it’s exhausting. Logically, I know that what I’m going through with the things happening in my life (relationship ending that was abusive, my father just getting diagnosed with dementia, etc) would make anyone feel the way I do. But I keep trying to fight my feelings. “Normally, old me” would embrace them and let them be. Ever since my OCD returned, I can’t help but fixate on them and stress even more. It’s almost like my emotions and the way we are as humans in my mind has become even more of a problem than the problems themselves. Can anyone relate? I am doing my best with ERP. I definitely helps. But I’m still waking up not feeling like myself and it hurts.
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