- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
The last few days I’ve been feeling as if maybe I want it and I’m just rejecting what I really want. But if someone were to come up to right now and take this all awyay from me I’d be so happy
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I really empathize with you as I have both themes, but I am a woman. My OCD has tried to convince me that I need to leave my husband and be with women, even though I know I have no desire to do that. I believe I am in denial and just living a lie with my husband. I questions if I ever really liked men. Then I question if I am bi then it goes back to straight, lesbian, bi and back again 🤣 It truly is a mind f***. Just know you aren't alone.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yep that’s exactly it. I have had no time in my life where I’ve wanted to be with a man or even contemplated it. I feel like I’ve spent so long obsessing over it with HOCD that the prospect has become inevitable I feel as if I had no choice anymore. It has completely diminished by attraction to women because I have become derealised through the compulsive checking. I can’t even look a man in the eye anymore because I fear I’ll ‘fall in love’ or want to “be with them sexually.” Somedays I’m convinced I do and then every now and then I get a glimmer of hope that I don’t have to leave the women I love and then it’s stolen from me again. But as I right all of this I’m consumed with the feeling of denial
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel the same way. I’m so tired and want to go back to my old self. I’ve been this way for about a month now and it’s torture. I miss the old days when I could wake up in the morning and go about my day as a normal person. Instead now I woke up to the instant thought of “am I gay” and the rumination instantly begins all. Day. Long.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’ve even started questioning whether or not I’ve ever been sexually satisfied and now I’m consumed by this notion that my level of satisfaction isn’t enough? But I want it to be, and I think it is but how could I ever know without trying but I don’t want to have to try being with a man
- Date posted
- 3y ago
We will never know. Hopefully therapy will help with this. How did yours begin? Mine began with a Tik tok of a woman who was engaged but then called it off because she decided she was bi.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Mine actuallt started with it being purely relationship based OCD and questioning my love for my partner etc… one day I was watching tv and someone mentioned they were gay. And it was literally just hearing that word that started this obsession off.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes, mine started off as relationship anxiety then I got the thought "I like girls" randomly one day and then it was relationship ocd and hocd in one. I've even had intrusive thoughts about my husband being gay 🤦
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’ll cut a long story short… SOCD/ HOCD was one of the first themes I got when I was a teenager. The first one was health but I didn’t know that was OCD at the time. Anyway, I have had SOCD for 11 years. Sometimes it leaves me alone and it feels like I’m my own self again! Don’t get me wrong it lingers but I manage. But… IT IS BACK!!! My head is telling me that I am a lesbian and that I need to just admit it. I hate it. I have a boyfriend who I love unconditionally and this has just sprung out of a dream I had -.- I don’t want to be a lesbian! The groinal responses have always been the worst. It started when I was around 16, I woke up one morning and my brain just said ‘you’re a lesbian’, as you can imagine I freaked out, panic attack and cried. Then, my brain starts looking into my childhood… well it’s had a field day. When I was around 9 my friend showed me girls kissing on YouTube and then I suppose I got addicted to it. I then used to play on Habbo and walk up to girls and say ‘kisses’ etc. my brain is now saying that this is evidence that I’m gay. I DONT WANT TO BE A LESBIAN!!! I have no issues with gay people, I just don’t want to be gay myself. Sometimes, when the thoughts come in I don’t seem to get anxious but I get groinals and that freaks me out! I just want peace. I hate this. I get so many different themes. Now it’s this one and I just want to crawl under my duvet, sleep until they’re gone but then I end up dreaming about it!!!
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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