Does anyone else spiral into panic attacks when they read things like just comments that bring up triggers? I keep going why do I care so much about what this one comment says on the internet? I know they're wrong but then I keep going WHAT IF? WHAT IF? It's annoying.

I sometimes see posts on here of people saying their OCD fears becoming true and it’s so so triggering for me. It makes me question if I ever had OCD and if I’m just faking it. I’ve tried to accept that my fear was real. Okay? Before I knew this was OCD, I really TRIED to accept it as a part of myself because I figured if I was even having those thoughts, it must be true. But in reality it just made me feel worse in the end. It wasn’t until several hours/few days after accepting the thoughts as true did I realize they were not and how uncomfortable it made me identifying with them that way, so eventually I went back into the rumination cycle. And I’ve done this multiple times. No matter how much I’ve accepted it as real, I never come to a conclusion in the end and I just get 10x more miserable. And I am still so scared of my fear coming true as those peoples did. But I know that’s what we all fear, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And with a new fear I just developed, (all in the realm of the same theme) I’ve also tried to accept it as real when I felt SUPER convinced and even though it felt excruciatingly real, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully believe it, because I just know viscerally that it’s not. But the feeling of it being real is just too powerful and it overmastered any ounce of insight I had left. It wasn’t until my OCD spike calmed down when I was able to see through the viel. I hate this. I have no desire to do anything that my thoughts tell me. I know what I want to be, want to do, and it’s the opposite of those OCD thoughts. But these triggering posts won’t leave. (Not really the publishers fault, it’s my ritual that I engage in). They make me come all back to square one (if I wasn’t there already) and question if I’m using this as an excuse. I don’t want to do what my OCD tells me to do, but my brain just spits, “you’re just convincing yourself you don’t want this!” as it so often now does. I’m so tired. Please give me my old self back. Please give me 100% certainty that none of this is real and my fears are not at all based in reality. My brain cannot accept uncertainty and will not leave me alone. My brain is raged and powerless without knowing why, and spiels that anger back on me to get a reaction, and when it gets what it wants, the cycle continues. And goes way longer than I had bargained for :(

Does anyone else read other peoples post and think it’s for them or about them and their situation and start to think that’s what they are going through themselves ? Or like I’m blaming ocd but it’s my brain actually telling that’s how I actually feel?

I posted a comment on a video on tiktok and got super super attacked by it and it’s making me feel like I deserve to go to hell because I typed it wrong. The context of the video is that basically this girl is saying she’s never met a genuinely non judgmental Christian and I said:”Every single time I mention not waiting for marriage with my boyfriend I’m suddenly scolded and shoved with all the benefits of waiting down my throat. It honestly drives me further away from Christ” and people were reading it my boyfriend was the one shoving the benefits down my throat when that isn’t the case at all. My boyfriend does not claim to be a Christian. He is discovering his beliefs as am I as a semi-Christian still figuring things out for myself. I meant this comment as other Christian’s scolding me for not knowing if I want to wait and it driving me further from Christ. But one of the comments said this: “these are non negotiables if you’re a follower of Christ. He’s standing firm in his convictions, if you’re unequally yoked in faith the relationship will not work. You know his convictions, you know his Faith, yet you’re pushing him into temptation and sin that’s clearly defined in scripture. That’s being disrespectful to him and his faith. If you’re not on the same page on such a crucial thing, it’s okay to not be with him.” And a couple more comment such as this. This was SUPER triggering for me. I eventually commented back saying that wasn’t how I meant the comment and should’ve worded it better, but now I feel like I have to be miserable with Christ and follow everything they said and break up with my boyfriend because this person said I’m like horrible for shoving it down his throat when that isn’t the case. What if I’m a horrible person and deserve eternal damnation and just don’t know it. What if I’m secretly like a demonic creature that is ruining everyone’s lives and just don’t know it? I’m so scared for my future and that everyone hates me now