So afraid I did this horrible must horrible thing that will cause someone I love pain and me . And the more I go back the more I research things I keep finding to make me certain but not absolute that I feel I did it. Help! I've had false memory ocd multiple times but I've been stuck on this for 3 months I feel like this time I could have blanked out and acted on intrusive thoughts:( help

This is how OCD grabs you. It really makes the threat feel real so you do the compulsions (research as you say) and keep feeding the monster. You should try your best to not reassure yourself or someone reassuring you, and as uncomfortable as it is, that’s the point. It proves to you and your mind that if you sit with the discomfort of not knowing your brain just gets bored of you not reacting and you will feel more certain in yourself. I hope this helps!