Idk why it’s making me feel like I want to check out kids so much like it’s weird before I was sure that I want that or even wanted to and now it feels like I want to :( and then my mind says stuff making it feel like it’s my mind coming up with those disgusting thoughts and they feel real like automatic like it’s my mind I feel so bad bc it feels like arousal too 😭

It just feels like it’s me now :( , only thing I can do is listen to music rn

@BlueMountain 🥲🥲 thank you idk if I deserve to be called that 😭😭😭🥺 like I feel like a bad person but thank you ❤️🥺 how can you be so sure ? I’m really just doubting everything

@BlueMountain Thank you 🥲 it’s so hard, I’m having more thoughts abt the future that if I’m so used to the thoughts I’ll act on them and have thoughts that intentional and not intrusive.. :/ I just don’t want to feel this when I’m around kids. Like feeling I want to do something to them ikk kinda scared bc idk what’s going to happen if I’m alone with one and I just keep thinking abt my abuser of it I just hate it all

@BlueMountain It’s so hard 😭 cause now it’s making me say stuff in my like “ I like their thighs” and such it’s just so specific and detailed 😭 it just popped up rn and it feels like I’m aroused which I hate like if I actually like it and agree with it