For years I've had fantasies (not intrustive thoughts) about the worst things you can imagine which I felt no guilt for. Like zero. 5 months ago I had a breakdown over thoughts I was a bad girlfriend and exhibited classic ROCD signs. My therapist has told me I have OCD. I check, I ruminate, I confess, I have now started making up false memories which is really fun (sarcasm) and best of all I try to find certainty in every possible scenario. The difficulty is I have these fantasies without guilt. So therefore, they aren't intrustive thoughts which is a core component of OCD. My obsessions and compulsions are around if I'm a bad person and how can I prove if I am or I'm not. So much that I have started believing in God and I am convinced that there is some sort of higher power that is trying to out me to friends and family because I need to be punished for all of these sick thoughts that have given me pleasure. It is really difficult because I do not want to act on these thoughts and have no intention. But I recognise they are not intrusive in nature. My intrusive thoughts are "what does this mean about me as a person? do I need to be locked up? I need to leave my boyfriend and family" and the classic suicide/going straight to hell thoughts. I wondered if anyone else had fantasies and not intrustive thoughts but also had OCD? (not seeking reassurance but would just like to not feel like I'm the worst person in the world at the moment)

Username: trust

Date posted: 600d ago

I don’t know if u are in the same place I was, but I remember thinking my thoughts weren’t intrusive when they were. Literally the only way I could tell was calming myself down and waiting for some time, because when you are stressed (ESPECIALLY OCD stressed) ur brain just does not work. At all. I realized if I wanted to do what’s best for everyone I needed to clear my head.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 600d ago

I don't know what it is. I just feel so over the place. I don't want to be a bad person that has bad thoughts but I do. And I just want a happy life with people. I feel I don't deserve my relationships because of my bad thoughts and I just want to confess them all to everyone. It's just so confusing. Like I need to know if I'm a bad person or not. And it keeps coming back no matter how much I ERP. I just feel like it's a black tunnel of despair at the moment.