- Username
- Anon1294
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi keep reminding yourself these thoughts come from fear not desire ocd can be really cruel don't fight them they come back harder just acknowledge them as anxiety feuled thoughts and bring your attention back to reality or focus on your breathing anything that's happening in the moment hope you feel better soon š
Thank you
Try to see it as just thought, it's just throught and not your urge or something like that. It's just throught, troughts can come and go, and it doesn't means that we want them. I know it is very hard but try to look it that way, it's ocd which makes you trapped in them, not your wish or urge. Try to remind yourself that. I wish you will be back to your free and beautiful state of mind where you feel happy ā¤ļø
Thank you.
Your welcome stay strong
Iām so sorry your dealing with this right now, sending you love ā¤ļø Iāve heard lots of people with pocd who were saād worry about the same thing. You may get thoughts like āWhat if I do what my assaulter did to meā or āwhat if it turned me into a predatorā ocd is going to latch onto a situation like this because it heavily relates to your theme. Try not to engage with these thoughts, and treat them like you have other intrusive thoughts. Iāve actually struggled with a similar thing before and talked to my ocd therapist about it and apparently thereās no proof that being saād as a kid turns you into a predator, in fact I believe it she said it was the opposite.
So I am new to this. Iāve always been diagnosed with GAD, depression, panic disorder, and am in recovery from SUD for 5 years. But about 6 months ago I started having thoughts during rumination of being a horrible mom. During that time, I couldnāt stop the thoughts. Then I started thinking, āwhat if something horrible happens to her?ā And from there it went āwhat if I do something horrible to her?ā I was terrified by that thought and now anytime my panic picks up my mind goes back to that thought. Iāve done a lot of reading and even talked to my doctor about this. I started back on my SSRI medication & it is managed more now. But every now and then this thought comes back and scares me as much as it did the first time, and when it does I obsess over it. āWhy do I think like this? I must be a horrible person, etc.ā
I feel like I am going insane. My ocd has never been this bad before. Iām waking up every morning with extreme dehabilitating anxiety. I am gagging and using the restroom all of the time. My pocd has reached an all time high. I work in a law firm and read a very disturbing case involving child abuse and child pornography. Ever since my world has been twisted upside down. I feel like the line is so thin. Like anyone can cross it in a split second and their world can be flipped upside down in an instant. I have a daughter of my own and that night after having read that story at work, my intrusive thoughts and feelings were at an all time high. I was changing her diaper and had intrusive thoughts which I knew was going to, givin the triggering and emotionally draining day I had. I quickly pushed them out of my head and then what happened next is some what of a blur because I have spent the last five days ruminating it over and over and over again in my head. I was trying to get her to lay down in her crib and she kept standing up. I was gonna lay her down in a way that required me to maneuver her with one hand and that one hand would be in between her legs, over her clothes and her diaper. I see people carry and handle their babies like this all of the time but I always avoid it. This time I didnāt. I fought the compulsion to move my hand. Because it is in fact, not a sexual thing at all. But in my mind I had it made out to be. I remember moving her super quickly in that fashion and immediately feeling guilt like I did it in a malicious sexual way. Even though the movement itself is not sexual at all, because it has been in my mind forever as a sexual place Iāve always avoided it. I was attempting to fight the compulsion and now as a result because I didnāt move my hand, I feel like I have done something horrible. I feel so guilty. All because of a quick 5 second movement. I keep imagining me without my daughter, going to jail, her not having me, my family disowning me. I canāt handle the immense amount of emotional distress I am feeling because of this event. I keep feeling like I couldāve moved her in a different way, why did I have to move Her in the way that required my hand to be between her legs? Was it me trying to somehow act out on the intrusive thoughts I had previously? I am so torn apart by this. I would never ever intentionally hurt my baby. Ever. My biggest fear is her being abused. In an attempt to stand up to my ocd and desexualize that specific action, it has launched me into the worst ocd episode of my life.
Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.
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