My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.

Hi keep reminding yourself these thoughts come from fear not desire ocd can be really cruel don't fight them they come back harder just acknowledge them as anxiety feuled thoughts and bring your attention back to reality or focus on your breathing anything that's happening in the moment hope you feel better soon 👍

Try to see it as just thought, it's just throught and not your urge or something like that. It's just throught, troughts can come and go, and it doesn't means that we want them. I know it is very hard but try to look it that way, it's ocd which makes you trapped in them, not your wish or urge. Try to remind yourself that. I wish you will be back to your free and beautiful state of mind where you feel happy ❤️

Your welcome stay strong

I’m so sorry your dealing with this right now, sending you love ❤️ I’ve heard lots of people with pocd who were sa’d worry about the same thing. You may get thoughts like “What if I do what my assaulter did to me” or “what if it turned me into a predator” ocd is going to latch onto a situation like this because it heavily relates to your theme. Try not to engage with these thoughts, and treat them like you have other intrusive thoughts. I’ve actually struggled with a similar thing before and talked to my ocd therapist about it and apparently there’s no proof that being sa’d as a kid turns you into a predator, in fact I believe it she said it was the opposite.