I feel like ever since the pandemic and the intense anxiety that came with it, my intimacy has never been the same. I focus too much on how I “should” feel or if I feel “enough” for my partner instead of just letting myself feel. I have unrealistic standards about what sex should be and I have this mindframe that sex should be visually appealing as well, as in I need to find every single thing about my partner attractive. I love my partner, but I’m not a fan of hair and sometimes I see him naked and think damn genitals are weird lol and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. The biggest reason I don’t let myself just feel and think how I want is because I’m terrified that I don’t truly enjoy it or that I’m forcing myself to. If my partner looks attractive to me naked I worry that it’s only because society says I should like a shirtless man and not because I actually like it. All these thoughts and false notions make me feel like something is “wrong” during intimacy even if I’m truly enjoying myself which makes me spiral more and worry that something is truly missing even though all I really desire is to have my partner with me in bed. I worry that if I didn’t push past my anxiety, would I even like it ? Am I just forcing myself ? I don’t want to, I don’t think I am. I have my likes and dislikes just like everyone else but for the most part I truly love seeing my partner in pleasure and when he does the same for me. What can I do to fight these unrealistic standards and the feeling of doom and despair and worry I have each time we engage in intimacy ?? My themes have gotten better but the biggest battle I fight now is just letting myself feel without worrying that I don’t feel enough. Is this even a part of ocd ??

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

Oh my gosh I feel exactly the same way. For the most part this theme doesn’t bother me much anymore, however I feel like I don’t feel anything anymore as I’m always too focused on what I should/ shouldn’t be feeling- now I just feel emotionless :/

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

I’m so glad I’m not alone but I am sorry to know we’re both experiencing the same pain. I’m the same, I always think about the way I should just feel instead of just letting myself be

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

The pandemic is what helped me have a really bad relapse. I also over analyze how I feel when my husband and I have sex. I try to just let them come and go, but I feel they do interfere a bit. I try to tell myself that the problem is that I believe that sex should feel a certain way. However, sex doesn't always feel passionate and mind-blowing. It also takes a bit more effort to have that passion the longer you are with someone. There is also more to a relationship than sex. While it is nice, it isn't everything. That is just my take, from someone who has rocd too

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

Yeah you’re right I try telling myself the same , but it’s one thing for me to know and anther for me to understand. I love my partner so much and I just ache for the days where we could get it on without worrying about a what if

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@PinkLotus I understand. I would say " this sucks, it isn't ideal , I really miss sex before ocd but i can still be with my partner despite the thoughts.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@PinkLotus Easier said than done but I try lol

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Yeah that’s what I do too , I hope one day we can return to some level of normalcy

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I have had those thoughts and feelings too. Instead of trying to focus or expect intimate feelings, have you tried telling yourself "I expect to feel anxiety right now and that is okay to be feeling?" It helps me a lot in those situations.

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

I have not, but I should ! I keep expecting my anxiety to go away just because I want it to

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@PinkLotus I totally get that. I struggle with that desire too sometimes. Our anxiety will come and go just like all other emotions. I try to recognize mine and give it less power by not fearing my fear.

Winter

Date posted: 4y

Ive been struggling with the same and overanalysing everything. It really sucks, the more you think about it the worse it gets too :( im sorry youre going through this too and i really hope things get better soon

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

Likewise I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with the same but at least you’re not alone. Hoping things get better frinyoub

PinkLotus

Date posted: 4y

@PinkLotus For you lol*

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