- Username
- heiz
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Wow heiz, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Are you seeing an ocd specialist? I had the same take control of my life in August. When i saw a news story of someone who killed his wife and children. This made me ask myself all of the same questions you mentioned above and it came with this urge to act on these thoughts. It was absolutely terrifying!!!!! I have since been working on eating healthier (google ocd foods), meditating, exercising, forcing myself to go to work every day, forcing myself to do things that I once enjoyed. It has helped some. I’m switching therapists to an ocd specialist in new your that does therapy via Skype. But when this first happened it was all I could think about all day until I went to bed. And the second I would wake up either to take a leak or wake up for the day it was the first thing on my mind. It sucks but will get better.
I’m in my 30’s and he ocd since I was 12-13. It went dormant when I was 20-21, until now. So there is hope for you and all of us! I began to feel better after about a month. Then my ocd theme shifted to different theme but the harm theme comes and goes. I have good days and bad days. When I am consistent with the meditation, exercise, eating well and supplementing with vitamins I do pretty when I stop doing those things I have rough days.
I relate to this so much, and the only solution I have found is time. I wouldn’t rely on that though, if I were you. If you find something that helps, please let me know. I was in this exact situation, and I couldn’t tell my family because then they would be afraid of me and I’m not dangerous. Mine also started from YouTube, though I ended up deleting the app. I recommend you using the app Musi instead of YoUTUbE if you have an IOS. Musi links through YouTube and is mainly used for Music, but you can also watch videos, too. You can watch YouTube videos through this app if you search them up, but the play next is only directly related to the video you are watching, so you can’t get trapped in that rabbit hole of curiosity leading to things you can’t unsee. I am sorry to hear that another person is going through this, too, though. Best of luck to you, and if you need to talk to someone who can relay, I am always here.
Been there and doing it now
I’m seeing a ocd specialist soon so I’m hoping it will help!!! It’s so scary how ocd works it makes me think I’m a horrible person on the inside! Do you know how long it took until you started to feel better?
Thank you Jeff
I’m so sick of my mind it’s so cruel, I want to feel happy again I’m so over this. The past 3 weeks I have been stressing over multiple things/mental issues. At first I remember I saw a video about someone saying if u see shadows you have schizophrenia and I didn’t see shadows but I went into a freak out and started searching around looking if I saw anything of course I didn’t but this led me to feel paranoid and not leave my room sitting and crying in bed, then I worried about how I saw a video on the internet about how some people go mental over the fact the world might not exist and everyone might be a figment of our imagination so I went into a spiral and started questioning everything, once again stayed in my room crying. Then I worried about harm ocd since I had a scary dream and I thought omg what if I wanna do those things and my mind tries to think about bad peoples perspectives and of course I felt grossed out and thought omg I must be insane, and now then I worried about DID ( dissociative identity disorder ) and now I’m convincing myself I have evil alters when I don’t even hear voices or anything. I feel insane, I’ve also got depersonalisation to add to that which makes it worse. I’m so over it I’m sick of everyone saying I’m going to get better because I don’t feel like I will it’s just getting worse I’m only young and I had so many things I was looking too this year but I feel like my mind just wants me to be miserable. I want to be happy. I’ve been taking Effexor for 2 days now and I feel worse, that may be normal but the intrusive thoughts keep coming and they are scarier. Im sick of being paranoid it’s annoying my family now and I feel bad because I also want to happy for them and not cause them stress but I have no idea what to do. Is this normal with ocd or am I going insane?
Hello, 3 weeks ago I experienced something that triggered horrible intrusive thoughts. I have been having 5-10 panic attacks every day. I can't leave the house and haven't been able to work. My relationship with my girlfriend is in distress as she has 2 young kids and doesn't understand what I am going through. I feel so alone. It wasn't until last Monday that my psychiatrist identified it as intrusive thoughts and now I am realizing how many other OCD symptoms I am having. I can't eat from my anxiety. I am so so sad. I just feel like this will never end and I am going to be in this black hole forever. All I do is worry about losing everything and everyone I love because of this.
It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.
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