Hello peoplesss, I haven't been here for a couple months but I suppose I really need it. I'm currently in my senior year of high school, and I'm usually that straight A student blahblahblah, but this one thing has stumped me and to everyone it's so trivial but for me it's so big and it keeps coming back. Basically, calculus. I know the subject and I even self-studied for the AP Calc BC test in 11th grade, but now I can't even pass a test. I don't know how to describe my school's test system but basically if I don't perfect or nearly perfect my next exams, I'm doomed. All the awards I worked up to, my school's equivalent of valedictorian, my college admissions, probably gone. These exams aren't even hard; they're supposed to be like a medium level. I can literally take on harder exam questions (I know this because I've been doing it myself and helping my classmates that have reached that level already). Like, our teacher gave us a practice set, and only two of us got a hard level question correct, but between the two of us, I was the one that also did the medium level questions in that time frame. But when it comes to the medium level questions DURING the exam, I always make "dumb" mistakes that add up, like forgetting to write exponents or flipping fractions. And the fact that I keep making these same mistakes and am thus unable to progress really scares me. In one of my recent tests (one where I'm still at that medium level) I prepared so much for it, but the second I read the questions my mind loterally went BLANK for 2-5minutes. I managed to finish the test, but my answers were so shaky and in disarray that I'm not confident in them at all. I'll probably find out mt results in a few hours when I wake up. Once again, probably a trivial issue, but it's been eating away at me for weeks. I haven't been able to sleep, I can't really do the things I enjoy, heck, I haven't been able to write my big college essays. I feel so paralyzed in a way that I've never truly felt before. I've probably felt it in tiny waves, but I am so freaking stressed right now. It'll be over soon and people say that I'll laugh at it in a couple years, but I wish someone could just understand this man :( I feel like if I don't get this grade, everything A student-y about me would be gone :( I know people are going to say that that isn't true, but for the past 2ish online years, big awardees went from two of us in our batch to ten. My A- in 11th grade PE might also prevent me from getting that top honors thingy And gosh my parents are the antonym of unsupportive. My mom doesn't understand the whole grade panicking, which is fine, but she just stares at me everytime I cry. Then my dad literally keeps saying oh are you getting top honors you need it for this and for that blahblahblah. Then my mom's gf, who's usually supportive, just laughs whenever she sees my cry about it. I'm at my wits end here and my parents aren't doing anything to make life a single bit easier, as they usually do. Anyways, thanks for listening to my Ted rant. TLDR: A student is making dumb mistakes on calc and panicking about whole life. Parents suck.

Guys I need help. I feel so alone . Basically I have this compulsion where I feel the need to write everything but this stems from me being anxious about EVERYTHING. Like my mom came in my room and I was irritated and snapped, immediately regretted now I keep writing “don’t be mean to mom next time” but I keep thinking about it. Then I think about how I finally left my house today and all the surfaces I touched that could’ve been contaminated and now I’m writing “next time don’t touch this and this”. Then I think about all the things I need to be doing for this week and I’m writing “don’t forget to do this and this” even though I’ve written it 5 times already. This is what happens everyday btw. My brain always thinks about something I need to be doing and making me anxious that I’ll forget it which is why I write it down on my notes app. I’m sooo mentally exhausted I need help pls!! Anyone have any advice ? I used to think I need to stop the writing but really I need to stop the anxious thoughts coming into my head . People say I need to accept the thoughts and let it go but that’s too hard for me

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.