I feel like my ocd is throwing all it can at me! I’ve finally found my attraction to women again. But it’s sort of making me anxious that I feel somewhat normal. Now it’s like my OCD is saying “you don’t want this now do you?” It just feels like either way Im only content with the opposite of how Im feeling? Now if I have a fantasy or something Like that I end up telling myself that it was intrusive when I was the one who brought it up not my ocd? Is this level of being uncomfortable normal with recovery? Because right now these old feelings coming back feel so alien, I had got so used to always fighting my thoughts that it feels like I can’t stop fighting the thoughts that I want to have either.

NOCD Therapist - Jenna O.

217d ago

It definitely does sound like you're getting pummeled with these thoughts! It can feel that way once you start to resist some rituals - then the OCD might come back even stronger for a while. This is common and called an "extinction burst" - ie when you stop doing rituals for a while, the OCD can feel like it momentarily gets worse before it gets better. Try to continue to practice response/ritual prevention even throughout these waves when you're doubting yourself. You can do it!

BradOCD

217d ago

Hey there thanks for replying. I’ve actually got to a weird stage now where my brain is almost rejecting anything that happens that proves the OCD wrong. For example I had a really nice and enjoyable time being ‘Intimate’ with my girlfriend. And i almost felt annoyed by it, as If I felt annoyed that I had enjoyed time with her in a way I hadn’t been able to. Since then I’ve spiralled into thinking that actually my whole life I had just been reacting to compulsion and mistaking the relief for enjoyment. It’s got to quite a toxic stage where now if anything proves my OCD wrong I get agitated and then spend forever ruminating on how my OCD thoughts must be true. It’s almost as if I’ve become scared of my OCD thoughts not being true where’s a few weeks ago I was scared that they were?