- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Accept the high level of anxiety, know that it WILL pass, and commit to uncertainty. Has engaging with ocd and triggers ever managed to give you an answer before? Unlikely - so move on and do something you enjoy that will distract you
- Date posted
- 3y
It hasn’t - it has only provided temporary relief and then I’m back at it. I’ve realized with the appropriate exposures that I gain clarity, but this one was too high and OCD dug it’s nails in deep. Working on moving on, this completely knocked me on my rear. I appreciate your advice 🙏🏼
- Date posted
- 3y
I so relate!! I read a similar article about a woman author and it was mega triggering. Sorry you're going through this. It DOES get better. I've significantly improved from SO OCD. I have other types now that are not as improved but with SO specifically, I no longer doubt. I KNOW I am straight and in love with my husband and that OCD thoughts are just that... thoughts. Nothing real and nothing that deserves my attention.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so happy for you! Amazing! How did you get to this point with so-ocd?
- Date posted
- 3y
@LizLemon Strange as this sounds, I started laughing at it. It became so ridiculous that it was comical even to me. I began to treat it like a joke, "I bet I'll be triggered 3 times on this walk around the neighborhood" or "OMG really? Of all the women in this world, THAT one with the straggly hair and messed up teeth is triggering?" And reframing it from super scary to something silly helped to dissipate it. It still rears its ugly head every now and then, but it's so much easier to ignore.
- Date posted
- 3y
@scottsish I’ve heard of laughing at it being super effective as well- I have moments of that here and there, but mostly I get terrified immediately. I need to build up to laughing at it, but maybe my anxiety needs to decrease a bit first? I feel so messed up. Did laughing at it help relief your anxiety?
- Date posted
- 3y
@LizLemon No, what I did was start laughing at it after the compulsions were done and I felt better and no longer scared/anxious. So laughing wasn't the first reaction bit rather the very last reaction until slowly it became the first reaction.
- Date posted
- 3y
@scottsish Oh that’s great to know!!! Thank you! Can I ask you about how long it took you to recover?
- Date posted
- 3y
@LizLemon I had it for 3 years. But that was because I didn't know it was OCD. Once I found out I was mentally ill, and started researching, being compassionate with myself, and laughing at it, recovery came in a matter of months. I think it only took like 2/3 months to not be bothered by the thoughts anymore. And now the thoughts are lessened. Not completely gone but not as constant or scary.
- Date posted
- 3y
@scottsish I’m so happy for you 💛 I can’t imagine having to live with this for years! You’re incredible! Hoping to join you in recovery soon!
- Date posted
- 3y
@LizLemon You're the sweetest!! Thank you! you're almost there. You're right at the end of this.
- Date posted
- 3y
Omg, I understand you so well. An article like that would make me super anxious too. Keep going, you’re doing a great job! Trust yourself and take care.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you!!! So much. It’s gotten a little better since I posted, but I’m feeling depressed and exhausted. I know it’s high effort/anxiety for long term gain, but good grief this is so so so difficult.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 21w
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
- Date posted
- 11w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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