Every time I get intrusive thoughts these days I just accept them as true without even thinking about it. What does that mean? My ocd is real? I just realized this a while ago but I didn’t even notice this whole week I had been doing that.

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

I’ve been suspecting for awhile now that I might have OCD once I started to look into it. Often times I get a lot of thoughts of me being a terrible awful person and being afraid that I don’t even know if I’m aware of that. I try my hardest to ‘diffuse’ these thoughts constantly. I go over them and remind myself that that isn’t me but I also wonder if that’s what I truly think. I’ve experienced this for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had instrusive horrible thoughts, even from when I was a child. It’s always been background noise to me but sometimes I tune in and scare myself and often wonder what my motives are. I don’t want to have these thoughts anymore but they keep coming back. I don’t like constantly worrying if my friends all hate me or if anyone around me thinks something is completely wrong with me. It’s extremely hard to operate properly already and constantly being streamlined these thoughts 24/7 just makes it more difficult. I have to try to think of literally anything else to prevent myself from having intrusive thoughts but even that doesn’t help. It feels incredibly disabling and it often times prevents me from doing things I actually have to do out of fear because of those “what ifs”. I just live in fear. I constantly worry even when there isn’t anything to worry about. I am incredibly paranoid. I feel like anything can happen at any given moment when I am not in control and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to live like this anymore.