Knowing the difference

@djflorio Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense and is something I’ve thought about before. In some ways it comes as a relief because it takes the guessing game out of it but in other ways it causes even more anxiety because I’m scared it means I’m actually a horrible person because I would think these things. The thoughts themselves don’t always bother me but it’s when they start turning into what I like to call intrusive feelings. Because then I start to feel like the thoughts are true or who I actually am or I’ll start feeling like I like the thoughts and worrying about that. But maybe all of this comes as a result of how I reacted to the thought when it first popped up. Maybe the feelings come just from spinning on the thoughts for too long. Does that make sense?

@allysonhazlett I understand, and what you're describing is probably the most common concern I see people post about in this app: "what does it mean about ME that I had those thoughts to begin with?" And I think that's where it's helpful to understand that they don't meant anything. None of them mean anything about "you." Even the boring thoughts that pop up out of nowhere, like "oh the sky looks nice today." It doesn't mean anything, it's just a thought. Some thoughts are useful, some aren't. Consider this: On your way to the market, you may have the thought, "I want to eat a salad for lunch today." Once you get to the market, you stare at the salads and you just don't feel like eating one at all, so you get a grilled cheese instead. Pretty boring example, right? But look what happened: your thought didn't align with what you truly wanted at all. However, you don't notice or care because the idea that you wanted a salad isn't a scary one. This happens all the time, because of the sheer number of thoughts we actually experience. The brain is just constantly spitting them out, like radio static. The reality is that the thought about the salad meant nothing about "you," it just popped up because you are aware of what a salad is, and it was getting close to lunch time. If for some reason you were afraid of being a "salad lover," things would work out differently. You may say, "hold on now, why would I have that thought? Am I really a salad lover?" With OCD, this is where we get stuck. This makes us so anxious that we try to come up with any way to get rid of the thought or disprove it. You would then start to experience intrusive thoughts about salads, because you're training the brain to produce them more (you're adding importance to them). I realize things can get pretty philosophical in this discussion, but this is just my understanding of how thoughts work based on my own research into neuroscience and philosophy, as well as my first-hand experience with OCD and mindfulness. This is all to say that you do not need to figure out anything about what your thoughts "mean." I don't care how twisted they are. At the end of the day, all we are really held accountable for our are actions. Those are what bring us consequences, good or bad. Any time we get lost in self-referential thinking we are removing ourselves from the present moment, and thus reality. Hope some of that is helpful. I don't want to pretend to be an expert, so if anything doesn't line up with your experience then feel free to disregard 😅

@djflorio This really does help. Thank you for taking the time to give me such a detailed answer and explanation. The salad example made me smile 😆 I guess my main question here is are (what I like to call) intrusive feelings just a result of my brain adding importance to the thought? Because the initial thought that started all this was literally just a thought. I can pinpoint the exact moment it started. But everything after for the last few months has been a combo of thoughts and feelings and I think the “feelings” come from my brain adding too much importance to the thought and basically manipulating itself.

@djflorio I know I would never ever ever act on the thought or even have any desire to

@allysonhazlett Glad it helped! With feelings it's a matter of mindfulness, and getting acquainted with them without adding unnecessary baggage on top of them. It's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of thoughts when you feel something, which easily leads to misinterpretation. We get into trouble when we try to avoid feelings, or we add stories on top of the feelings. For example, you may feel anxious if you have the thought about hurting someone. Maybe like you said, because you've put so much weight onto these thoughts. A feeling of anxiety just means your body feels threatened. But if you overthink it, you may mistaken it for excitement, or think it means you want to hurt the person. I think it's important to separate feelings from thoughts. Feelings are meant to be felt. They aren't logical and they don't include words, they're just physical sensations. This is where mindfulness and meditation is helpful. You want to learn to sit with your feelings without adding stories on them. Also, from an ERP standpoint, don't forget that your goal isn't to prove that you 100% have no desire to act in these thoughts. I understand you want to clarify that, but the more try to convince yourself of that, the more important these thoughts are going to feel. The goal is to recognize that thoughts are just thoughts and to not care about them. That's why it's better to respond to them with "maybe maybe not." If responding to those thoughts in that way makes you anxious or feels irresponsible, that's a sign that ERP exercises would be beneficial for you. Chasing the certainly that you won't do those things will keep you on the hamster wheel indefinitely. You need to instead focus on the present moment, because at the end of the day, that's all that ever matters. Think of it like a tightrope walker. They need to be focused on every single step. If they worry that they "might" fall a few feet ahead, or that they lost their balance a bit a few feet behind, they will lose focus. They don't need to worry about anything but the step they're taking in that exact moment. Likewise, we don't have to worry about anything other than what we're doing right now.