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ocd can make things feel very real. your brain doesn't recognize that you have ocd - your brain only interprets/documents how you behave or how you don't behave. this tells your brain whether something is dangerous or whether it's not. your brain collects that information and generalizes it, makes it worse for next time so that you can stay safe. it will require you to postpone rituals, reduce rituals, and ultimately resist rituals in order to give your brain a "new message" - that this thing is not warranting a response in any way. it will take time and it will be anxiety provoking at first but it is all very possible with ERP!

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Have you done erp therapy ?

When I first treated treatment, I was struggling really bad with both harm and suicide OCD. So I completely understand how scary these types of thoughts can be. But there is a huge difference between an intrusive thought and true intention. A counselor who understands OCD will know this. I was terrified to tell my counselor these types of intrusive thoughts. I thought for sure I would end up getting arrested or involuntarily committed a psych ward. Her expression didn't even change. An OCD therapist has heard it all before. They will not be shocked by anything you tell them, no matter how taboo. They also will not judge you for your OCD thoughts. This is the theme I focused on first in ERP and have now overcome it.

I’m going through this exact thing, and I think it’s triggered some post partum depression as well. I have an appt next week with my doctor. I’m honestly hoping I’m put on some antidepressants. My first therapy session isn’t until the 22nd of next month, and I’m just scared I won’t make it that long. I guess I’m hoping medication is what I need and is part of the root issue.

Okay, I’ll be praying it kicks in for you! I’ve been reading there’s an adjustment period for about the first month to 6 weeks, then one day it just starts working. I’ll just have to press on with hope, I suppose!

Try listening to ocd books or podcasts. It helps you feel not alone. These help me quite a bit. I also have harm ocd and my head is a torture center at times. You are not alone. Stay strong.