- Username
- kyle g tucker
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Your looking for reassurance and depending on your beliefs people are going to answer This question differently so you’re not going to get the answer you want
I know it is so hard I was thinking of killing my my self today just can’t take this anymore it’s horrible
Your life is worth so much more than your sexuality. I promise ocd isn’t worth taking your life for
Please call the hotline if you need help
I don’t think your sexuality can change, mine never has... did you always think like this, or was it after a difficult time in your life. Did you get harassed from individuals... about your sexuality? I got harassed, constantly about my sexuality... I’m straight, but because these people scrutinised my orientation so much, I started to question myself. But I never questioned myself before. That’s the answer for me
No I didn’t always think of this it was after a hard time in my life
In that case, I think you’re suffering from ocd, it’s very much similar to what I went through. I was harassed and it was like brainwashing... I began to believe what they were telling me. After the harassment for 2yrs, I started to have those thoughts. You see, you worry about being gay, you don’t like the thoughts... of being intimate with someone of the same sex. So therefore you’re not gay. If you was homosexual, you would enjoy those thoughts... but you don’t. The thoughts I had got to such a point, that they made me sick. I felt physically nauseous.
I began having thoughts about other people and their motives towards me. Like, if I was in the company of another man, I would look at them looking at me... and a thought would pop in my head. I would think... “is he gay, is he looking at me because he fancy’s me. Does he think I’m gay, does he think I fancy him...?” I would totally get freaked out by it. Before the harassment, I was very comfortable with my fellow men. It was girls I was nervous about.
I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.
Is it really possible to screw up ur sexuality? Like everyrhinf was clear and good and normal and just so extremely good and i was happy with everything and then this crashed and i feel like it desdass ruined my hormones or something like idek whats going on? How is it that 2 years ago i look at harry styles and my heart jumps and i wanna be with him and my mind was healthy and clear and 2 years later i feel nothinggg for him my hearts empty i feel broken and empty. Why is it that i dont feel something that SHOULD be there
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