I keep having this pop up and it’s really bothering me and making me feel bad for a thought I had before my ocd came in bc it was Intentional :( and I feel like that’s proof that I really am a p… I just hate that I thought that but it feels like I’m those pedo who like it and feel bad bc they like it :/. And I’m not even sure bc I felt no arousal and idk the more I try to explain the more disgusted and bad I feel bc It feels like I’m making excuses abt when I feel like idk like that’s bad yk and idk it felt more like a compliment but I still feel like it was creepy and that I’m going to be like my abuser :( that way bc there can be p’s that don’t do anything to a child or just able to control themselves and not do anything and I don’t want to be that way :( I just feel like a terrible person and really feel like I’m becoming something I don’t want to be I feel so exhausted of this and im trying everyday to talk to my friends have a good time make memories but this is making me feel like im getting no where when the thoughts like this are the background just haunting me and thinking abt the future.. and im scared of saying the wrong thing abt these things bc now it’s my mind doesn’t care or it agreees to the opposite of what that person is saying abt a topic like that and I just feel so lost in identity like I’m kinda scared abt that :(, I hate this

But it wasn’t an intrusive thought 😭 that’s why and I feel guilty for it :/

Aww thank you 🥲🥺🥺 I’m honestly having a hard time and feeling extreme guilt I can’t tell what’s ocd anymore 😭

@BlueMountain Okay 🥲🥲 it seems sooo scarty tho like letting all that go bc it feels like I accept or see them as truths

@BlueMountain I’m just having a hard time right now again because I just saw one of my classmates post and there is this dude and then I thought that he was attractive but then I was like wait she has a little brother that also went to school with us and I was like what if that’s him because he’s under age and I’m 18 and that would be so weird if I thought that he was now but I don’t know if he isn’t he keep on looking at the picture if that’s her younger brother I hate this so much bro 😣. And everything feels so automatic to me like it doesn’t even feel like it’s intrusive anymore and that’s a problem because what if it’s not!😭 It’s just so frustrating it’s like the more I get through the days and ignore the thoughts the more it feels like I’m like I’m denying the truth and like the more I start to worry if well the more like I’ll go back to those thoughts that I ignored and then those seem true and real because I interact with those again you know like I don’t know how to explain it it just feels so automatic already like if it’s me like Me me and I’m changing

@BlueMountain Since I’m in class with my friends it’s like I’ll get that feeling or something or thought and then I just like when I observe some thing I can’t tell if I’m being like weird or creepy but it’s just an observation with and it feels like I am being creepy so then like since I’m around my friends it’s kind of easier to distract myself from the thought like I can just move on past it because we’re always talking but then when it’s like when I’m alone and like I’m not in such a dynamic space it’s like that’s when I start rethinking everything that just happened but yeah I get what you mean 😭, aww I’m so touched 🥺🥺❤️ your a special friend to me too and I really appreciate you 🥺😊