- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
But it wasn’t an intrusive thought 😭 that’s why and I feel guilty for it :/
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
Aww thank you 🥲🥺🥺 I’m honestly having a hard time and feeling extreme guilt I can’t tell what’s ocd anymore 😭
- Date posted
- 3y
@BlueMountain Okay 🥲🥲 it seems sooo scarty tho like letting all that go bc it feels like I accept or see them as truths
- Date posted
- 3y
@BlueMountain I’m just having a hard time right now again because I just saw one of my classmates post and there is this dude and then I thought that he was attractive but then I was like wait she has a little brother that also went to school with us and I was like what if that’s him because he’s under age and I’m 18 and that would be so weird if I thought that he was now but I don’t know if he isn’t he keep on looking at the picture if that’s her younger brother I hate this so much bro 😣. And everything feels so automatic to me like it doesn’t even feel like it’s intrusive anymore and that’s a problem because what if it’s not!😭 It’s just so frustrating it’s like the more I get through the days and ignore the thoughts the more it feels like I’m like I’m denying the truth and like the more I start to worry if well the more like I’ll go back to those thoughts that I ignored and then those seem true and real because I interact with those again you know like I don’t know how to explain it it just feels so automatic already like if it’s me like Me me and I’m changing
- Date posted
- 3y
Like ignoring it too hard like how do you mean ? Because OK maybe I do ignore it too hard because it’s like I get the feeling or the thought But mostly feelings and then I’ll just like not react to anything but then I’ll be like oh I hate this feeling like why did I feel that or think that or I just get confused with how I’m thinking and then it’s like I kind of stop it and be like oh I don’t like this thought or feeling to prove that I didn’t mean to have that thought on purpose or intentionally you know I don’t know anymore this is gonna make it excuses honestly because in the moment I feel like I did and now it’s like I’m calm down now and it’s like way like I don’t know I’m just scared of being in trouble because it’s like I can’t tell if I’m hiding something for myself to save myself or protect myself from something or it’s just I don’t know OCD😭🥲 it’s just all piling up again I’m sorry 😭 I feel like I’m annoying at this point but it really is difficult :(
- Date posted
- 3y
@BlueMountain Since I’m in class with my friends it’s like I’ll get that feeling or something or thought and then I just like when I observe some thing I can’t tell if I’m being like weird or creepy but it’s just an observation with and it feels like I am being creepy so then like since I’m around my friends it’s kind of easier to distract myself from the thought like I can just move on past it because we’re always talking but then when it’s like when I’m alone and like I’m not in such a dynamic space it’s like that’s when I start rethinking everything that just happened but yeah I get what you mean 😭, aww I’m so touched 🥺🥺❤️ your a special friend to me too and I really appreciate you 🥺😊
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...
- Date posted
- 18w
TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??
- Date posted
- 17w
So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids
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