I hope someone's here for me. I'm at an extreme low. Passing thoughts of suicide exist. I don't think I'll act on it, I just don't know what to do. These past 5 months are enough for me to know what kind of person I am, and it's not good. My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. A lot of my friends are telling me I'm a narcissist and too rude with my humor. One of them advised that I should isolate myself from them until I learn to be a better person. Any joy I feel is undeserved. The shit I've seen because of this illness. There's things online that I think I've seen for a couple seconds that's genuinely incriminating. So why is there any compassion? Why am I here? Considering that back in July I'd look up bikini gifs on tenor to make sure I was straight, some of those gifs were tik toks. What if those people were underage? I can't bare this. My parents say there is nothing to worry about but they're liars. I don't wish this upon any other 15 year old. I am not a good person.

Why do you have compassion? Why do a lot of people feel like I deserve better?

@urbread - Most times it is a lot easier to have compassion for others when we judge our selves so incredibly harshly for the same exact things. I encourage thinking how you would respond if someone you cared about said the same thing to you. My little sister is the person I try to imagine telling me she has thought or done the things I have, (I have gotten stuck in hours and hours long compulsive loops and it is humiliating, and demoralizing) & think about how I would respond to her. I lover her unconditionally and would never judge her no mater what. Imagining her sweet face and my words coming from her, that has really been helping me with learning to practice self compassion. Sending strength and hope.

@urbread Because we can’t judge others off of their worst mistakes, you’re really young, and I know I sound like an old man, but I’m an entirely different person now at 19 then I was at 15, adolescence is a very strange, scary, and confusing time, I feel very suicidal about things from my past as well, but the love I get from my friends and family keeps me going, and I’ve told them EVERYTHING I’ve done, they still believe in me, so don’t beat yourself up too much, forgiveness is a beautiful thing, compassion is even better, it’s great you know better now, just keep going

@IHateMyself So my parents were kind of lying when they said my mistakes were normal and that they weren't as bad as I thought them to be. I'm gonna keep going, it's just really difficult.

@urbread They weren’t, I HATED hearing this as a teen, but it really is true, the things that seem so big at the time, aren’t as big as they seem. I’m not saying that you’ll always look back and laugh, but try to remember the ignorant and naive kid you were and still are, not meaning to sound rude, it’s just most kids are lol, and just be better is all, everyone has most definitely done things in their past that they loathe now, they all just don’t talk about it