what do you guys typically do when ocd attacks you with hypothetical situations about the past. like if i would have done something bad in the past but even my ocd knows i didn’t do that thing?

i can definitely relate to what your going through as well. this disorder really sucks. are you in therapy right now?

@mitz I’ve only had two appointment so far at my colleges therapist, but she’s not skilled enough for OCD, she said she would try to find a specialist for me, but idk, my memories are just so twisted now, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, I have done some gross things, the worst from 11-14, and still some after, but I don’t know what to think anymore, I’m 19 now, I feel awful, but yeah, hopefully I get some treatment soon

@IHateMyself i’m 19 as well and am dealing with things around that time too. one in particular was how i reacted when i heard a girl who was like 3 or 4 years younger than me had a crush on me when i was 14 (knew her through family friends) i can’t remember it all that well and it gives me a lot of anxiety.

@mitz but it’s best not to linger on the past, especially if no harm was done in the end. same goes for you, i’m sure your ocd is making it seem way worse than it is, same (hopefully) for me

@mitz I used to have fantasies about my step cousin when I was younger, she’s 3.5 years younger than me, I stopped when I was 13 or 14 because I thought of how gross it was, I look at her now and think how tf did ever feel that way, I’m really scared, I just want to die

@IHateMyself i get why you worry but at the end of the day they were just thoughts and you were really young yourself. it’s in the past

@mitz Ik, I hope I can move on, idk why I liked her, maybe because she looked my age at the time idk, thanks for hearing me out, I’m really struggling

@IHateMyself me too right now. i genuinely don’t know if i had shared feelings with this girl way too young for me myself. i don’t think so but it still tears me up

@mitz You’re okay, you were a child, you would never now. The other stuff I’ve done is just like weird porn, especially like hentai and cartoon stuff, it’s been a couple of years, but I get anxious because some of the drawings depicted younger people, but with more adult feature, my friend said everyone has watched it and that’s why people joke so much, and that at the end of the day, they’re just cartoons, but I’m still really scared, I’m pretty sure you probably haven’t done half of the stuff I’ve done, I think you’ll be okay

@IHateMyself eh i can relate to that a little bit actually. never got into that stuff but still

@mitz That’s good, I’ve stopped watching porn altogether now, I don’t ever want to look back on it

@IHateMyself i feel that, it can be toxic

@mitz But yeah, the worst of the worst stopped when I was 15, I was still gross after, and did some stuff I very, very much regret, but I’ve confessed it all to my friends and even my mom, they tell me that I’ve learned and that I’m not a monster, but it I can’t ever get over it, I just want to die, sorry if I’m bothering you with all of this btw

@IHateMyself if you really want to die that is very serious and something that needs to be adressed. i can’t force you to do anything but it’s not good to feel this way. don’t worry about bothering me, that’s serious

@mitz I’m sorry, it’s just like when I was 15, my brother brought his gf over and they started to have s**, and I decided to peep, I would do this occasionally until I was 17 and thought about how gross and rude it was, I permanently stopped, but I really hate myself, what normal person does that

@mitz Don’t feel bad about yourself, you’re probably a much better person than me, I deserve this, you don’t

@IHateMyself everyone with ocd says this. you don’t deserve it, no one does. even if you were a monster it’s better for you to move on and do productive things in life than worry, i know it isn’t nearly that simple but it’s what we have to work to

@mitz I hope so, I just don’t deserve good things in life, I’ve totally decided I’m never going to date anyone, since one of my fears is hurting others, and I’m scared I’ll do something terrible, so I’ve just decided that I’ll never do it

@IHateMyself that’s avoidance and you really shouldn’t do that, i understand why you don’t want to but it’s something to work on

@mitz I’ll try, people tell me I feel like this because I’m a good person and I’ve changed, but I don’t feel like it, I really want to just die, do you think it’s possible that I could ever move on?

@IHateMyself it’s certainly possible. anything is possible but i really hope you do move on. work on self acceptance exercises

you are very brave lol

@mitz It’s not really about bravery, it’s about being logical and staying in the present moment.

@Nica i guess but with ocd even that takes bravery or something like it