- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi All, I relate to every bit of what you guys are going through and sharing. It's distressing for life. I would love to talk to you guys more and know how we can overcome this collectively, have a good relationship with our desired partner and get our authenticity to every aspect of our life.
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel the same. Everyone says that SOOCD won’t change your sexuality. But surely ruminating this deep into yourself with have some sort of effect. I feel like it definitely has on me. I don’t want it anymore, everytime I feel like I’m getting better it comes back even worse than before it’s so so convincing. And the lack of anxiety makes it even more so
- Date posted
- 3y
Me too, I’ve had a couple months of being able to not worry about it before but this has been the worst spiral I’ve had. It’s really ruining my life.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Dialup But now I’m starting to worry that I was born gay but just never realised. I had always been attracted to girls and always enjoyed dates and relationships with them. My first sexual relationship wasn’t great, because I had a medical issue that made sex quite painful, but actually when we really got to know eachother it got a lot better… even amazing. Then with my current gf I was very nervous at first but then I remember sitting there and just thinking “finally everything has clicked… there’s nothing I don’t like about this relationship.” It was actusllt after that moment that I got so scared it was going to go that the ROCD started. When this got at its peak it turned into HOCD. But even as I write this it sounds like denial
- Date posted
- 3y
@Dialup But it feels like I have found my answer but I’m just in denial about it. I’m happy with my girlfriend but feel like a fraud still having these thoughts when I’m around her. It makes me feel so bad. And with all this going on my relationship is such a trigger that sometimes idk If its making me happy anymore. But then thinking about it it does make me happy
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve literally not stopped thinking about it for probably 3 months now. It’s just endless from the moment I wake to the moment I go to sleep
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate to this so much, I’ve been feeling the exact same
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
This can be a big trigger for a lot of people who have ROCD/SOOCD. The unfortunate reality is that there is no way of knowing 100%. It can almost feel like if we just think about it a little more, if we just ruminate a little more, then we will know - that somehow we will have that moment of clarity or certainty but unfortunately that will not happen. That moment will never come for anything in life - there is no certainty especially about the unanswerable questions that OCD gives us. I would encourage you to try as hard as you can to resist trying to answer these questions - it is all uncertain and the more you try to resist answering the questions, the less burning of questions they will seem .
- Date posted
- 3y
But for me they’re less questions now they’re more demands like “you must be gay… you want to be… you don’t love your partner etc…”
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD They stared out as questions but not anymore
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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