I’m having a bad morning so far. I can’t stop thinking about those who have had SO OCD and then realised later that they are in fact gay. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to live a lie and be miserable. I want to be with my boyfriend, happy and free of this fear. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless. Im scared this all started and spiralled out from initial denial.

sba994

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Hi All, I relate to every bit of what you guys are going through and sharing. It's distressing for life. I would love to talk to you guys more and know how we can overcome this collectively, have a good relationship with our desired partner and get our authenticity to every aspect of our life.

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

I feel the same. Everyone says that SOOCD won’t change your sexuality. But surely ruminating this deep into yourself with have some sort of effect. I feel like it definitely has on me. I don’t want it anymore, everytime I feel like I’m getting better it comes back even worse than before it’s so so convincing. And the lack of anxiety makes it even more so

milliemoo

Date posted: 4y

Me too, I’ve had a couple months of being able to not worry about it before but this has been the worst spiral I’ve had. It’s really ruining my life.

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

@Dialup But now I’m starting to worry that I was born gay but just never realised. I had always been attracted to girls and always enjoyed dates and relationships with them. My first sexual relationship wasn’t great, because I had a medical issue that made sex quite painful, but actually when we really got to know eachother it got a lot better… even amazing. Then with my current gf I was very nervous at first but then I remember sitting there and just thinking “finally everything has clicked… there’s nothing I don’t like about this relationship.” It was actusllt after that moment that I got so scared it was going to go that the ROCD started. When this got at its peak it turned into HOCD. But even as I write this it sounds like denial

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

@Dialup But it feels like I have found my answer but I’m just in denial about it. I’m happy with my girlfriend but feel like a fraud still having these thoughts when I’m around her. It makes me feel so bad. And with all this going on my relationship is such a trigger that sometimes idk If its making me happy anymore. But then thinking about it it does make me happy

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

I’ve literally not stopped thinking about it for probably 3 months now. It’s just endless from the moment I wake to the moment I go to sleep

reneeeeee

Date posted: 4y

I relate to this so much, I’ve been feeling the exact same

Jenna Overbaugh

User type: Staff

Date posted: 4y

This can be a big trigger for a lot of people who have ROCD/SOOCD. The unfortunate reality is that there is no way of knowing 100%. It can almost feel like if we just think about it a little more, if we just ruminate a little more, then we will know - that somehow we will have that moment of clarity or certainty but unfortunately that will not happen. That moment will never come for anything in life - there is no certainty especially about the unanswerable questions that OCD gives us. I would encourage you to try as hard as you can to resist trying to answer these questions - it is all uncertain and the more you try to resist answering the questions, the less burning of questions they will seem .

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

But for me they’re less questions now they’re more demands like “you must be gay… you want to be… you don’t love your partner etc…”

BradOCD

Date posted: 4y

@BradOCD They stared out as questions but not anymore

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