Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
DrewcobeneDrewcobene
- Date posted
- 3y
There's always always always time to change things. I get in the headspace that I'm a failure all the time. But why is it we're so harsh on ourselves when we would never say the things we tell ourselves to other people? Right now I'm in probably the worst spot of my life other than when I was actively getting traumatized. Everything feels completely pointless. I learned to stop future tripping. It doesn't matter what my life will look like in 5 or 10 years. Because that can change depending on my actions every day. And it's a lot easier to make good decisions when you're not enemies with yourself. Normal doesn't exist. I've stopped trying to be it because it's impossible. I'm just going to be whatever I am in the moment. There's a few people in my life that many people in my place would want dead. I still feel forgiveness and empathy for them. This is what I mean by there's always time to change things. There really is no such thing as having one chance. Life is a chain of possibilities that you can miss or take advantage of. We're not any worse as people for missing a hell of a lot of those chances. Struggling with the mental illness we have, it's to be expected. We're dealing with more than what we call "normal" people are. If you feel you had one chance at life, you definitely didn't blow it. If the chance is ruined in your mind, it's not your fault. Having OCD is fucking hard. If anything it was stolen from you. It sounds like today isn't the day to be tackling the existential stuff. Instead, treat yourself to things you like and tell the OCD part of your brain you can get into it later when you feel better. Because the emotional part of our minds is not good as decision making or seeing things the way they actually are. On bad days I make a pillow fort like when I used to be little, put on a show I like, and make myself a special meal (or if I can't do that I'll order something). I put my responsibilities on pause. You don't expect someone with covid to be running a mile and finding success in their life. You would expect them to rest and try their best to survive. Mental illness is illness. We need to be taking care of ourselves, not pressuring ourselves to be accomplished and performing perfectly. That's not fair. So even if it's just for 20 minutes, go do some self care for a bit. Even if you don't feel you deserve it
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ivefailed.
- Date posted
- 23w
in a bad state.
the only path that leads me from here is suicide. because it's gonna only get worse from now. i keep thinking what could happen that is worse than this and in the future it eventually happens. and im terrified. i just thought abt a possible fear of a certain horrible thinking, and the more i fear the more it becomes possible and stronger. i already opened the doors to hell and it can't be closed by just not thinking abt it.
HOY
- Date posted
- 17w
i dont know if its gonna get better
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 12w
I feel like a irredeemable freak, and my life over
I pleasured myself to my intrusive thoughts while I was high as a teen and it felt so real like I genuinely wanted it and leaned into it, it genuinely felt like I enjoyed it and desired it but I’m not sure if I misinterpreted a groinal response and false arousal for desire and did it I don’t even want that stuff in reality nor do I seek it out but I feel like it stains me forever and I cannot be loved or accepted or be a normal human anymore and that my life is over, I don’t know what to do, it felt like it was automatic and it all just happened and then I “snapped back” into reality once it was done and it all hit me like a truck. Does anyone else know if this is a thing or if they’ve had similar experiences? Please help me it feels like I’m dying here. I want to die
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