So like roughly 2 years ago early on to me and my bfs relationship . I told my girl friend at the the time that she should get with my boyfriends friend. I did this to be nice. So my other friends made a blanket fort and I was there and the girl was there and the guy . They got real friendly real quick . And I was on the farish right laying or sitting idk which . And my boyfriends other friend was laying all the way down drunk as a skunk and throwing up. So my bfs friend and that girl started making out. I don’t remember but she asked me to cuddle I think I did but I was complaining I was cold. And when they started kissing I got up and left . I’m convinced I cheated or did something wrong 2 years later .

2 years is a long time to reminisce. it’s also a long enough time to add details here and there. i don’t want to offer you any reassurance, but try to not find answers. the more you try to remember that night, the more you will convince yourself that it’s true of what you’re afraid of. try to let go and move on. i don’t want to offer any reassurance, but. (1) you would remember cheating on your boyfriend. (2) someone would have said something by now. no more trying to remember! stay calm and take care 💕

I meant to say I don’t think I did but I remeber complaining I was cold ^ but she was originally in the middle of me and the dude then she cuddled on top of him I guess and I was just there on the other side .

oh trust me, i’ve worried about everything and anything. the list is endless. i am no health expert, but you might have false memory ocd. i struggle with this theme every single day. i’ve made myself believe i’ve done the worst of the worst. there are no right words to describe this kind of pain. i am always feeling guilty and shameful. every time i go through one of my episodes, i’ve learned the same thing: i will never know. no matter how much i try to remember, i still will not know. there is no reassurance or anything that i can do to remember everything piece by piece. we are so consumed by thinking we did it, but why not think about not doing it? why do we only think we have the option of thinking we did do it and not the possibility of not doing it? i know it’s hard to accept the uncertainty and live with guilt and shame, but the only way to heal is to let go and accept that we will never know.

i don’t know if i made any sense because today i can’t type x) what i meant is, why only think of “i did do it”. let’s have the mindset of “but what if i didn’t do it?”