- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You need to see him. If nothing else for the sake of being to function again, regardless of what you think or not about your sexuality. No one else can make you see him for you. It will be the first step to finding freedom, whatever the outcome may look like. You can do this!
- Date posted
- 3y
But I don’t want to function if it turns out I’m gay.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD I had these exact same fears. It’s what OCD does. It keeps us trapped by whatever means necessary based on our theme. The only way to recover is to face that fear that you could be gay or whatever your feared orientation is. Otherwise, you will waste years of your life wondering, something I’ve already done.
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ But what is my fear was correct. Then surely the OCD was right all along.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD We live with what ifs all our lives. We can’t say 100% for sure that we won’t get struck by a flying rock and die. Same thing here. We’ll never be able to 100% prove that we’re straight or gay in terms of OCD. OCD is never satisfied. We can only challenge it when it has latched onto an obsession and teach our brains that what seemed so scary isn’t scary anymore.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Hi Christine could you talk? How long have you been suffering from this?
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ But isn’t that a bit paradoxical. Like if my brain is now saying “you’d be happy being gay” the only way I can know that is if I go and try that. But the whole point of therapy is I try and stay comfortable feeling uncomfortable
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD "The only way I can know that is if I go an try it"....thats me! Right there! I'm going mad...
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Our brains say lots of things like that but those of us with OCD get stuck on those thoughts instead. I know it’s scary but the fact that you have such a fear response around therapy is a sign that that’s where you should be going and leaning into the discomfort. I was where you are and I promise, it’s worth it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 2.5 years at this point but I’m now in recovery! It has definitely been a journey to get here.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ I am hung up on the arousal aspect. I have never just been “turned on” seeing a man naked. I also have been turned on by women being portrayed sexually. This is enough proof for me :( im so happy you are in recovery. We’re these thoughts with you 24/7?
- Date posted
- 3y
Im just convinced however that Ive lost and im not actually straight as I previously thought. I want to so badly speak to a therapist but then again If im gay which I think i am I feel hopeless and dont wish for anything except death.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 I relate to that completely! I am the same way. Random naked men don’t arouse me much and when the OCD hit, I felt like I was being aroused exclusively by women. It was terrifying. The thoughts were so oppressive and crushing day in and day out, so definitely! I seriously wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for ERP. My therapist sent me a great article about nonconcordence arousal and how our bodies are biologically hardwired for sex, regardless of whether or not it is something we’d actually want to partake in. I’ve experienced arousals during my exposures and at first, I was so panicky and miserable. But the more I continued my exposures, the better I became at brushing off the OCD when it wanted to attach to that and was able to get on with my days.
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Dammnnn you're on fire 😅! I wouldn't have said better although I've been struggling with OCD for 25 years! Good advice! Keep up the good work here 👌.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Morpheus 75 Thank you! It’s warriors like you that inspire me to help others! We’ve got this 👍
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ You are an inspiration. Thank you for your honesty and taking the time to respond to me. I have had this fear since I was a kid. Can you relate to that? Did you ever think that this was “your truth” when you were in the depths of the thoughts?
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 Mine came more out of the blue but since developing the theme? Absolutely. My OCD has tried to dig up anything possible from my past to relate to my theme and has tried to present “evidence” that this could somehow be my true self and I just never knew. It is so challenging some days. But what ERP teaches us is that we can learn to become ok with not knowing right now and once we go through that process, we can look back more clearly and put everything into perspective.
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ But Ive the proof was too much and I accepted all of it and believed and now It feels like I jy ust cant go against it
- User type
- Staff
- Date posted
- 3y
Ugh this is such a hard place to be. I've seen so many people there and I want you to know that you're not alone! A therapist will be able to talk to you about *YOUR* specific goals. The content of the treatment doesn't have to center around your sexual orientation. In fact, the goal of therapy for this is not to figure out your sexual orientation. It's all about getting you to live a life that you value so that you can get back to the things that you want to do - including chores, sleeping, eating, and feeling better about yourself. A therapist will be able to help you get better at doing all of those things. I know it seems impossible right now but I challenge you to take it one step at a time. Taking the leap of faith on treatment can be challenging but try to take it just one step at a time and see how it goes. I believe in you!
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel this! I too think I'm just gay and in denial even though I'm gone my adult life never questioning my sexuality. Now, it's all I think about and it tears me apart. I'm to the point where I don't even get anxious at LGBT stuff, I find a sense of relief but it still isn't what I want and would rather be alone or not alive than follow through with being gay.
- Date posted
- 3y
Sorry you are going through it man, nothing has been the same since this mess started.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 19w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 17w
I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond